| published! under the new title MEET ME IN THE MIDDLE | Eden knows she can't love Truman, the boy with the angelic smile and devilish eyes. Why? He's her best friend Katie's older brother, who she strictly promised she'd stay away from.
But when a...
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T R U M A N
I barely survived losing Katie the first time. But the second time, I was ready.
I stood at her bedside. I gripped her hand as tightly as I could. I filled the room with her favourite things: orange nail polish, the stuffed bear that always sat on her bed, her favourite knit sweater and an old friendship bracelet.
My parents stood on the other side of her bed. My mom was crying. My dad was a stoic anchor. I couldn't cry if I wanted to. I was hollow from the inside out, a barren desert. A wasteland.
I glanced at Katie's face and saw all the life it was once flooded with. I could picture her toothy grin, her bright laughter, feel her scrawny elbows jutting out when I gave her piggyback rides. I could feel her ruthless gaze, that hard steel that melted into silk in a flash. Katie was more like me than I had ever realized. We were jagged around the edges, but soft as cotton within.
A doctor entered the room and suddenly, the lights were dimmed. He asked a question to my parents. From the corner of my eye, I watched my father nod and pull out his phone. Then a song was playing. I barely registered it, but I pulled the memory out from somewhere deep in the past. It was Katie's favourite song. The one she'd be dancing to every summer night when I fell asleep on the couch.
As the doctor prepared for the end, I could smell the s'mores Katie used to burn. The vanilla perfume she loved to drown herself in. The waffles my mom baked for her every Sunday morning. I could feel her tiny hand holding mine when we were kids; I could see her wide eyes staring up at me, making me feel like the bravest kid in the world.
I needed time. Hours or days. Seconds, even. I would taken anything. Any last moment to sit here with her, thinking maybe she could still hear me. Maybe she could wake up. Maybe she would make this all okay again.
"Wait," I said. The doctor turned towards me. My parents watched, confused. "I need a minute with her."
When the room cleared, I pulled back the blanket on Katie's bed and laid down beside her. I wrapped her in my arms, cradled her head against my chest. Something tore through me, ripping me open from the inside out. I waited to cry. Nothing came.
After all this time, I still couldn't find the words to say to her. Sorry and I love you didn't seem like enough. Instead I held her hand and closed my eyes. I pictured her asleep beside me and we were kids again, tucked away on the grass in the backyard, grass stains on both our knees. I could see the vast open sky above us. Feel the sun on my skin, the wind in my hair. I pictured her up there, finally sleeping on the clouds. Safe and happy. Alive and bright. Katie, the girl in the sky.
My eyes opened and we were back in the dim hospital room. Her eyes were closed. I brushed the hair off her forehead. I kissed her cheek. I told her that I loved her. I hoped that wherever she was now and wherever she'd soon be, that she could hear me. That she would believe me.
