09 | HEARTLESS MOONS

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09
HEARTLESS
MOONS

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IT WAS RAINING when she went to his house three days later. Her life felt empty without him.

There was another girl with big blue eyes and soft blonde hair there. At the sight of her, he whispered something to the girl, who left obediently like a dog.

He was silent. The shadows seemed to dance around him, giving him dark kisses of metal.

Her hair was dripping from the pouring rain, tiny water droplets splashing onto the wooden floor. Her breath reeked of alcohol.

He said nothing as she stood in front of him, a bruised, broken mess.

I'm sorry, she said, because she was. She hated herself for what she had done to him.

He said nothing.

I said I'm sorry! she repeated. He wasn't even looking at her.

Goddammit, look at me! she yelled.

I am, he said.

But he wasn't. His eyes gazed at her like he was looking right through her. Like she wasn't there.

She let out a sob as she mumbled endless apologies. Why wasn't he touching her?

I'm sorry. I am. I can't live without you, she said. Her voice trembled along with her feeble body. I can't live without you.

His arms were crossed, eyes dark and emotionless. He was so distant, so unreachable, it made her want to scream.

If you leave me, I'll kill myself, she said. I'll end it. I'll do it and it'd be all your fault.

His jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. Stop it, he said. His untenable black heart shrunk away from her.

Do you want me to die? Is that it? she croaked.

Enough, he demanded. It looked like he was angry again. Not this shit again, he said sharply.

She stared at him, dumbfounded. That's not what he was supposed to say.

You don't believe me? she pressed. I'll do it. I promise I'll do it.

His fists were clenched as he stepped away from her, deeper into the shadows that twisted around him. You are fucking insane, he said.

She was crying, mascara running down her cheeks, desperation running down her spine. No, I'm not, she said feverishly. Don't say that. Don't say that.

       She was drowning.

He laughed humorlessly, head tilted up towards the ceiling as if he wished she would disappear. He looked so tired, so frustrated.

Shut up! I am not insane! she screamed. Her cries and pleas fell upon deaf ears. Why wasn't he holding her like he used to?

You're sick, he said.

She shrieked and pulled at her hair. What was he saying? She didn't believe the words coming out of his mouth.

       Where were his liquid promises? She wanted a goddamned refill. She wanted his golden kisses that left burning ruby traces down her ugly skin. Fuck, she wanted him to take her lovesick heart and crush it repeatedly until it could never be pieced together again.

Her desperate cries went unheard. It was like she didn't even exist to him.

       She was wilting under a heartless moon.

His eyes glazed over as he repeated, You are so fucking sick.

She fell back against the wall.

So are you, she whispered.

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