Hidden Troubles

Chapter 43

AN: 1) why is this story late? Well, mainly school, the blasted court case, more school and having four different drafts with this scene and working through them all to try and get the best resultant product. Still not happy (and I am sorry this isn't my best) but we move!

2) why I had Thor vamoose? Our baby Loki still needs to actually recover from anorexia, and I felt that with Thor around he wasn't doing that (hence the lack of anorexia recovery content).
Bad news? This story is on its final leg; a good 100m to the finish line before it ends. And I'm going to miss you guys ❤️

Loki's room had been plunged into a sullen gloom when Natasha decided to open the door. She'd knocked of course, but the predicted lack of response was what greeted her, and for once she was going to commit to her resolve to do something.

"Loki?" A quiet mew and bright emerald jewel-like eyes broke the dark reticence, as Naeva peered over a curled up body buried in blankets to look at Natasha.

Natasha crept cautiously around the large dark mass she presumed was the bed, towards the lump just at the end of it.

"JARVIS," she whispered, keeping her eye on the huddled clump in front of her. "Turn the lights on a bit. Enough for me to see at least."

A candle-like glow lightly illuminated the room, enough to augment her co-ordination as she approached the much more visible bed. The stillness of the curled up figure would have one automatically assume Loki was sleeping.

He wasn't asleep, though. His eyes, their hue a dull green now, were wide open and staring vapidly at his wardrobe. He looked almost... catatonic, Natasha realised. Like all his joy in life had been sucked clean away. He hadn't even reacted when she'd came in; hadn't even blinked at the subdued onslaught of light.

Natasha settled carefully just by his feet, cross-legged with one hand outlining spirals on his blanket covered leg. Naeva settled further into the crook of Loki's leg, purring delicately.

"You didn't come to see Thor off."

She almost wanted to pull her tongue out at her careless start; Loki tensed before shifting further into the sheets, as though he was trying to melt into them.

God she really wasn't good at this.

"You ok?" That seems like a good start, she thought, until she saw reproachful seaweed eyes glaring at her. Slightly asinine on her part then.

"Do you want lunch now?" His eyes flashed with acrimony, much like lightning on a pitch black night. But the underlying jaded weariness was hard to ignore. The stars still shone behind the clouds after all.

"Talk to me. Please." She almost hated how... pleadingly she'd said that. But her prevailing desperation far outweighed her own amour propre.

"Always keep your pride, my little spiders. Decorum. Amour- propre, as the French say. Their actions may often be nonsensical, but their ideals are far from that."

And then a pounding heart, undisguised beads of sweat, an acidic taste on her tongue as she unwaveringly stared down the barrel of a gun...

Natasha forced herself out of the memory as she fumbled with her fingers, a dazed focus on the still unmoving figure next to her. She couldn't get distracted in memories now. Not when Loki needed her.

She hated how... equanimous Loki seemed. She half expected to be haranguing about how unfair it must be for him- of course it would be much easier to comfort him that way. But no. The god of lies and deception would never leave his emotions so openly on display. The imperturbable manner would be how he would present himself.

But how to break it?

"I know—I know it's not fair on you. Him—Thor, leaving like that." Natasha stumbled carelessly over her words. Smooth talking had always been her craft, as easy for her to weave as it was for a spider to weave its web. And here she was now floundering like an aphonic adolescent.

Then again, everything was different when it came to Loki.

"I know you—care about him—"

"He is fit for nothing but bilgesnipe fodder." Loki interjected scathingly.

Natasha felt Loki's hand clench as she placed her hand atop his as a conciliatory action. Light relief trickled through her as the taught muscles slackened slightly. But the residual tension was still present.

"He didn't want to leave, Loki. He has to complete his duties as a prince, but you come first and foremost—" Loki snorted sardonically, "which is the exact wording he used before he left."

"Do you want me to start monologuing his whole speech for you?" Natasha said caustically at Loki's disbelieving sneer. "I'm pretty sure I remember most of it."

"I don't need to hear his altruistic falsehoods," Loki scoffed, glacial green eyes looking right at hers.

The uncaring act was good, she'd give him that. A well practiced callous leer, a taunting tone— all to hide the raw hurt buried under the murky depths.

"And you don't need to give me your altruistic falsehoods either," she said smoothly.

The forceful smirk melted to give way to a drained, weary expression. Eyes returning to the dull seaweed green.

"Leave me be."

"No."

"Please."

"Not until you tell me what's bothering you."

"Then I hope your lifespan exceeds mine." Loki gibed humourlessly.

"Might as well start speaking now then."

"Should I bring one of Stark's aperitifs to loosen your tongue?" She added innocently.

"Natasha—" Loki started.

"Yes Loki?" Natasha said facetiously. She looked at Loki with a challengingly guiltless look.

"I am the god of what you're attempting to do."

"And I'm a spy. Guess we're evenly  matched then."

Naeva chose that particular moment to target her plaintive gaze on Loki. Green battled green, but even with all of Loki's oh so godly powers, the cat tilted its head victoriously as Loki sighed aversely.

With a small mew, Naeva leapt elegantly off the bed and padded towards the radiator.

Natasha looked expectantly at the defeated trickster.

"So then, Miss Romanoff," Loki said sarcastically, "where would you like me to begin?"

Edit: so when the fuck did we get to 4K??? You—you crazy crazy sexy ass human beings seriously I love you all so so so much ❤️❤️❤️

AN: haranguing is such a cool word I'm sorry I've wanted to use it for ages now :)) 15 and an idiot as they say. Well, almost 16!!

And yes I'm sorry this is short. Believe me I did try but this week is just being shitty. The court case is taking its toll and along with school and exams I just haven't been able to get my brain together, and I refuse to give you guys some pitiful scrap of writing.