Letters and Murmurs

Chapter Fifty-Five: For Me

"So miss Urie, when did these feelings begin?"

I sat staring at a clock on the wall. I heard it's ticking ever so often like a ticking time bomb. I sat there staring at the wall. I didn't think that after the tour I would sit in another therapist's office not talking. I sat there staring silently off into the distance. There had been a few times where dad had been able to come with me begging me to talk. I had sort of kicked everyone out of my life after that night a month ago.

"Miss Urie," My head snapped to look at him blinking for the first time in a while and noticing it hurt.

'blink moron.' My brain laughed at me as I covered my ears.

Jack had brought me to therapy today. I felt bad knowing he was probably sitting outside bored out of his mind or making dick jokes to the teenagers that were probably about to become inpatients. I ran my fingers through my hair breathed in deeply fighting off a yawn. The timer finally went off signaling my first hour was up. I was doing two hours of therapy which was what was suggested. I was allowed to go and sit with Jack if I wanted to. I could even take him to the nicer lounge they had available.

Walking out to find Jack he was seated with his feet on the coffee table. I went over and smacked his foot playfully as he looked up at me giving off a soft half-smile. Jack hated being here just as much as I did. I sighed and held out my hands for him.

"Is it over or do you still have another hour. I got practice in a like thirty," Jack said as he grabbed my hands.

"One more hour, I told you. You don't have to stick around-" I felt bad but he cut me off.

"I want to stick around and be here for you," Jack brushed some of my freshly cut hair out of my face.

"Thank you," I whispered as Jack pulled me close to him.

I inhaled his scent as he got another text message. I knew the vibration pattern to be that of Alex because he couldn't have made it anymore annoying. He also set the same vibration pattern on my phone. I looked at jack with a questioning look as he shook his head.

"Answer him or he will just blow up your phone," I let go of Jack for him to look at his phone.

"Alex wants to know if you are coming to practice? Ryles will be there. Also, he says hi with a million I's. What do you want me to tell him?" Jack looked at me groaning a little bit.

I had been taking a toll on his relationship with the band. Jack missed quite a few band practices in the month and a half after the tour ended. I left a little early to come back and start therapy. The first few sessions weren't bad they were just the basic question and answer like how old you are. When it started to get deeper and they wanted to talk about my reason for coming I pushed people away in the way I didn't want to.

Ryleigh and I fought and both of us were really hard-headed not saying sorry anymore. Zack and Ryleigh were doing fine. Alex and Lisa were traveling between Baltimore and California. Josh and Debby were doing fine. Tyler and Jenna were doing okay as well. Rian was excited to get back and start tracking music. Dad got back and slept for a few days getting over a cold. Mom had to bring me to the first few therapy appointments as I started to have panic attacks about coming to these appointments.

"Just tell him the truth. I can't, I have therapy. Also, go ahead and leave. I will find a way to get home and no it won't be me crawling in some creeps car," I said and Jack chuckled looking down at me.

"No, I figured it would be holding them hostage and saying kidnap me," He joked as I snorted causing him to laugh harder.

"No Jack go to practice I know that you guys are excited about this new era of music. Go," I swatted his back and lightly pushed the grown man as he leaned trying to press his full body weight into me.