Forever Ruined

Chapter Forty-Five

Clara awoke to wonder once again if she were dreaming but two arms held her close, she felt his breath on her neck and one leg was tucked between her own. It wasn't a dream Benjamin was here. She stroked the hair on his arm and he nuzzled her neck.

"I'm sorry if I woke you," Clara said, turning in his arms to look at him and Benjamin smiled at her. "I feel like I've been living a nightmare and I've finally been freed, to find you here in my arms."

"I'm so sorry, Benjamin. I'm sorry I ran away."

"I understand why you did, but you must know Clara. Nothing can tarnish you in my eyes. Nothing."

She knew he was speaking of her being barren, unable to conceive or bear a child. "I hoped they could heal me, make me whole."

"And?" Benjamin asked, stroking the side of Clara's cheek.

"They could find nothing wrong. There was nothing to fix. I am whole though I feel broken."

"They told me at Center that Lord Fitton was going through treatments as well as you, what for?"

Clara flushed. "As my husband, they said that we should both be treated as the problem may not lie with me."

"I see."

"Benjamin, do you think there is time to...?"

Benjamin pulled away from Clara and she immediately missed his warmth. "Clara too much deception has occurred." He sat up and then crossed the room finding his trousers. "I'd have no reason to go through such recourse. To those at the Center, I am not your husband." Benjamin pulled the garment on and went in search of his shirt.

Clara sat up. "But if we were to explain, the reasoning behind such duplicity..."

"Do you really believe they will take such news in kind?" Benjamin asked, shrugging into his shirt. "Your deceit would be seen as a mockery of their beliefs. No Clara, besides I must get Fitton back to England, the King's health is failing, the Queen demands it."

"The Queen demands it!" Clara mocked. "She's had the opportunity to have fifteen children with her husband, they live their lives in that castle turning a blind eye to wrongs in their own country, families starving, our own unable to be fought for. Why? So that Fitton can tell her what she already knows? That there is no cure for what ails the King!"

"Clara, I am bound to bring Fitton back! Whatever news he must impart then that is what the Queen shall hear. I am just an emissary!"

"No, Benjamin! You are also my husband. What about our future? Our chance at a family, surely a few days..."

Benjamin was already shaking his head in denial. "It takes more than days, Clara. You've been ported here nearly a month. I cannot afford such a luxury. I must return and Fitton must return with me."

"But Sturgis... he only has a few days left. Let Fitton stay with him. I'll return with you as Fitton's assistant. I will tell the Queen the findings of his research. I know it all. I've been copying it for months."

"Why do you take such an interest in that boy's affairs?" The jealous note could be heard in his speech.

"Because," Clara's eyes filled with tears, "he is the closest I will probably ever come to a son."

Her words pierced him. He wished he could give her this gift, but he could not. There was no possible way. The Master would turn them out the moment they learned of their deceit. He was bound to bring Fitton back with him, to deny the Queen meant death.

He ran his fingers through his hair. "Why must you ask for the impossible?!" His frustration knew no bounds as he paced the room.

Clara knelt up in bed a thin sheet her only cover, which she held close to her chest.