sweet wrongs

26

mikes pov
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"get out! get the fuck out karen." i heard a voice yell. i sat up in my bed and i rubbed my sleepy eyes. i looked to my clock beside my bed and i saw that it was only 6:45 in the morning.

i quietly walked down stairs to see what was going on. what i saw was nothing what i was expecting.

i peaked around the corner into the kitchen to see my mother half naked and my father yelling at her in her pajamas. i looked over to the door and there was a body exiting the house.

not again mom, not again.

"that's fucking it karen." my dad yelled, totally infiltrated with rage. i had never seen him this angry.

"i'm sorry ted! it was only one time! please don't do this ted." my mom cried, throwing her shirt on.

"you fucking liar! lie lie lie! all you know how to do is lie! you think i don't know? you think i don't know that my own damn wife has been sleeping with men half her age for months?! i may be absent but i sure don't fucking cheat!" my father yelled.

if we're being honest, i don't blame him. my mom has done some pretty bad things, especially to him.

"fuck ted! i'm sorry okay?" my mom yelled.

"if you were mother fucking sorry then you wouldn't have cheated twice." my dad yelled.

"you're going to wake the kids, ted! stop it!" my mom cried.

i could stay like this anymore. i couldn't stay quiet. "mom.. dad... what's going on?" i asked, walking into the kitchen.

i don't know why, but i felt so vulnerable in this moment. just like a little kid.

"mike. go back to bed. you don't need to be hearing this." dad said, pointing his finger towards the stairs.

"no dad. i should be apart of this too." i said.

"no son. you're too young okay? go back to bed." he said, his face now turning blood red.

"don't yell at my son,ted!" my mom exclaimed.

"YOUR SON?! HE IS OUR SON YOU DUMB CUNT!" dad yelled.

"don't talk to mom like that!" i said. but, before i could say anything else, a hand was slapped across my face.

what just happened? i brought my hand up to my face, both in confusion and astonishment.

had my father really just hit me?

a single tear left my eye before i turned my face to look at my father. "don't to-" i was cut off by my fathers words

"i said go to your room you fucking fag!" he yelled.
"no!" i yelled back. although i was hurt by his words i still stood before him. i wasn't going anywhere. at least not by myself.

before i knew what was happening, my father grabbed the collar of my shirt and dragged my upstairs. i could feel my legs bruising as we went further up.

once we got to my room, he through me to the ground and picked a belt up off of the floor and stood over me.

my mom stood in the doorway with tears in her eyes "ted don't do this! please." she pleaded.

my father turned to her and pushed her out of the doorway, making her hit the wall. while he was focused on her, i turned around and i started to crawl under the bed.

i heard the door slam behind me and i allowed my body to relax. he was gone.

or not.

suddenly, i felt my feet being pulled from underneath the bed. "no please don't hurt me!" i cried, my dad turning me around to where we were looking at each other.

"this is a long time deserved beating you stupid queer." he gritted through his teeth as he pulled back his hand holding the belt. and he hit me.

fag.
hit.
queer.
hit.
pussy.
hit.
worthless.
hit.
unwanted.
hit.
idiot.
hit.

after what felt like hours of torment, my father left. i crawled back into my bed that i had been earlier before and i covered myself up. i was hurting. my whole body was.

now i understand what will was talking about in his letter. it sucks not being wanted. it sucks being hurt.

"fuck it." i mumbled under my breath.

i threw off the warm covers of my bed and i grabbed a pen and paper. walking back over to my bed, i flinched at the feelings i was having. i've never felt like this.

i've never felt so mad. so sad. i can't do this.

november 21, 1986
dear everyone,

i'm sorry. i don't know what to say, except i'm sorry. life is hard. it's too hard to process, to live through. i just can't do it.

no matter how long or how hard i try, things wont get better. they won't get easier and i have come to accept that. i've accepted many things. my family will always be broken. i will always be broken. will and i will never happen. he will never love me like i love him.

although there aren't many things that i will miss, i sure will miss you, will. more than anything. you were my soulmate, wether you know it or not. we've been through so much together but somehow we've both ended up together. no matter what, our sweet wrongs have led us to each other. but we will never be TOGETHER. and i've accepted that.

i've accepted it all. i've accepted my fate.

so to whoever is reading this, i'm sorry.

mike wheeler

after finishing my note, i made my bed. i cleaned my entire room. and then i placed my note underneath my pillow.

now, it was only 11 am. 11 am is no time to kill yourself mike! stupid stupid stupid. wait till later. 8 pm. 8pm is the perfect time to die.