Awakening to Life

Awakening to Life 7

Chapter 7

I literally stomp into the teen lounge and fling myself down onto the sofa next to Paul the next day. I've been poked and prodded, held captive in the tiny hospital room I share with two pre-pubescent kids and tested again all morning. Doctors have been fussing over me while the nurses clucked like the chickens in our Agriculture department at school.

"What's got you in a huff sunshine?" Paul teases, laughing and patting my hair which I have intricately braided all this morning while waiting for busy, self-important doctors to give me permission to get out of bed. I honestly don't know why I didn't just march straight out.

"Dying," I snarl, moving away before he ruins my hair. Paul chuckles, I send him a poisonous glare which I hope will shut him up. No such luck.

"Come on. What's the occasion you're so prettied up and eager to leave this place for?"

I snatch the remote from the arm of the chair and flick quickly through the channels, certain that nothing of interest would be on. I've always hated day time television.

Paul grabs me by the shoulders, forcing me back into the cushions while placing his head directly in front of mine. The tips of our noses are almost touching and I can certainly no longer see the television screen. "What's. Going. On." Paul slowly articulates each word, making sure he has my full attention.

"I. Have. Cancer." I imitate with a dull lifeless voice. "Nothing will ever be going on." I have lost the patience for even the effort to maintain the slow, precise speech.

"Snap out of it Allie!" Paul growls. "You have good doctors, nurses, your parents, Josh and me."

He's still sitting on top of me. "Get off!" I screech, leaping up as soon as he slides into the seat next to me and rushing from the ward. The nurses are fussing over a hysteric boy trying desperately to avoid the long needle Dr Thompson is attempting to stab into his thin arm. I easily avoid being seen in the pandemonium that ensues, quickly rushing down the spiral stairwell and away from the oncology ward.

I am sitting in some random stone-cold, deserted stairwell of another ward when my phone rings. I expect it to be Paul, but it might be Josh so I reluctantly ease my frozen limbs from the ground to clutch at the phone and check the caller ID. It's Jayden.

"Hello," I croak, my throat dried up and cracked.

"Hey Allie, you ok?" His voice is concerned. Why? Suddenly my chest constricts and I'm certain he's guessed my secret. Maybe someone told him.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" I ask harshly.

"You missed school today. Are you with Josh now? I'm at the hospital, can you meet me?"

I relax slightly. "Do you want to go down to the gift shop? I need a break."

He probably thinks I'm selfish. Whatever. The gift shop is on the ground floor, the hospital staff will have a hard time finding me down there. Not that anyone will be looking with all those annoying kids to deal with. I sigh, immediately feeling guilty. I'm being cruel because I'm upset. Even knowing it, I find it hard not to take out my anger on everyone.

"Ok. I'm there now. See you soon?" Jayden replies.

"Yeah."

I hang up, pushing myself up from the hard ground and walking stiffly down the remaining stairs. Taking a discrete path through the hospital, I eventually reach the gift shop, finding Jayden leaning against the wall at the entrance. He's watching the crowd of people in the foyer but he seems to sense me approaching. Our eyes meet and for a second we both stand absolutely still, watching each other with a vast space between us. Then the tension breaks and, almost simultaneously, we both run towards each other and he sweeps me up into a hug that is so soft and passionate that I'm overwhelmed and have to force myself not to cry.

Jayden pulls away and looks at my face. I try to hide how upset I am but I can't, although I can hide the reason why.

"Come on." He tugs on my hand, pulling me into the shop. It would be perfect except he thinks we're sharing the stresses of having a younger sibling with cancer. I swear it feels like I'm breaking into a million pieces inside.

Somehow, Jayden manages to get through to me and make me feel better again. He makes me feel normal and healthy and happy like no one else in my life. As much as they try not to, everyone else treats me like a cancer patient, except Paul. With Jayden, I am smiling and laughing. We explore the gift shop, making fun of each item and the people buying them. Together we find the hidden potential for laughter in every single situation. I laugh for so long that my insides hurt and I don't think I'll ever be able to smile again because of the sharp pain in my cheeks. I forget about the cancer induced aches, soreness and lethargy.

"Hey, Allie! This one is definitely my favourite..." Jayden yells from the aisle parallel to the one I'm stalking long, searching for my favourite item.

"ALLIE!"

As I reach him my name is called from the front of the store. I whip around to see my mum pacing furiously through the maze of shelves to reach me.

"What are you doing down here?" she practically snarls in my face. "Get back up to the oncology ward, right now! Your father and I have been worried sick, Josh is frantic!"

I hang my head in shame, avoiding Jayden's gaze especially. I suppose I always knew that the secret would come out eventually. I just never imagined that my mum would shout it in his face.

"I'll come too. I should go see if Rosie is awake." Jayden says softly, brushing my shoulder subtly as we follow my mother back up to my room. As we stand silently in the elevator, my mind is going crazy with 'what if' scenarios. What if Jayden follows me into my room and I'm forced to get back into bed? What if a nurse or doctor says something to me? What if Mum or Dad or Josh or even Paul accidentally lets something slip? I'm quietly hyperventilating when the doors slide open, certain that I'll be forced to explain. Helga, a new nurse, spies us stepping out of the elevator and runs over.

"Jayden, your sister has been asking for you," she exclaims, slightly breathless from the excitement of the work and the incredibly short sprint to the elevator.

"See you later Allie." Jayden squeezes my hand before taking off at a fast pace towards the far end of the ward. I sigh in relief and head off in the opposite direction.

I am forced to stay in my room, in my bed specifically, until visiting hours that night. Jayden had left in the afternoon so I pulled on my fluffy dressing gown and slippers, shuffling awkwardly through the corridors to the teen lounge in search of Paul.

"Hey," I say softly, lowering myself onto the couch next to him. "I'm sorry that I was so grumpy and angry and mean to you this morning."

"It's ok, Allie," he replies softly. He breathes in loudly, exhaling slowly.

"Listen, I heard you ran off with Jayden today. Your dad told me," he murmurs. "You can't do that Allie! He doesn't know how sick you are. What if something happened? You could have been seriously hurt because he didn't know enough to see the signs. You can't keep pretending either. So you're sick, you don't need a fake friend to make you feel good about yourself." He caresses my hand gently, soothing any anger I may have had.

I'm too tired and emotionally drained to get truly mad at Paul; after all, he's just trying to look out for me. "Ok," I whisper and he lets it go.

"You want to watch a movie?"

"Yep, you choose." He nods and slides in my favourite movie. Of course. I settle in to the couch, a smile lingering on my lips as the opening scene fills the screen.

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