Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

17 November, 1976 - Falling

**Trigger warning: This chapter isn't particularly dark, but before you start reading this story, I want to make it clear that what I am attempting to do here is accurately portray mental illness. As such, this story will touch on topics such as self harm and suicidal ideation. There will be trigger warnings before every chapter that contains such topics but this is a sort of catchall warning. Please take care of yourself and your mental health. <3

**A Note About Comments**

See the bottom for more, but the short version is that after some inappropriate comments, I felt the need to add a warning: please be respectful of others. Jokes, honest reactions, personal stories, etc are all fine, but anything advocating for, promoting, or downplaying harm or suicide or laughing at/mocking victims of mental illness will be reported and deleted immediately. These are tough topics, I know, so please just be respectful. I'm sure no one intended any harm and I'm sure you'll all keep being your wonderful selves here and everywhere.

Audio version: https://youtu.be/HoR02H3y_Ys

The moonlight was streaking through the windows like the world had forgotten it was the middle of the night. And Lavinia Selwyn was wandering the corridors. It was 3 am and she knew if she was caught, she'd be done for, but she couldn't quite bring herself to care.

It had become a habit, an addiction almost, these late night strolls through the corridors. She wanted to be moving on nights like this. She wanted to run, to feel the wind in her hair and the ground beneath her feet. She wanted her throat to burn and her legs to ache. Somehow, even after all this time, she still believed that if she ran fast enough, she could drive these thoughts from her head. Like she could outrun her own brain.

She sighed, then. And she did not run. Being out this late in the corridors was bad enough. If she was out on the grounds.... Well, assuming she didn't get mauled by some strange creature from the Forest, or murdered by the ghosts they said haunted the Shrieking Shack, the teachers would give her detention for the rest of her school years. Which would be cut short because her mother would kill her first.

Lavinia gave a little sniff of laughter, not that the thought was terribly amusing. It wasn't much of an exaggeration, if she was frank. Rhea Selwyn didn't tolerate rule breaking. It brought shame to her family. And Rhea hated shame.

A weight settled heavily on Lavinia at the thought of her mother. She stopped walking by a window and stood, looking out at the silver-lit grounds. The moon was just past full and its light was bright enough to drown out much of her view of the stars. She wished it wasn't. She wished the moon was new and the stars were bright so she could look at them and feel small. Unimportant. Nothing more than a blip on the cosmic radar, if that.

She took a deep breath, the exhale shaky and pressed her hands to her face, blocking out the light. She needed sleep. But the thought of lying in bed, alone with her thoughts and surrounded by her friends...

She stopped herself. They were hardly friends. Arranged acquaintances based on blood status was more like it. Not a single one of them had noticed Lavinia's late night absences these past months. They hadn't noticed that her heart wasn't in it when she snapped back at the Marauders. Probably because they didn't care. And why should they?

Tears beaded in Lavinia's eyes and she wiped them away, furious with herself, with her stupid, idiotic wish that someone - anyone - would notice that she was screaming inside. She was starting to show signs of it outside too. But just like her lack of sleep, no one noticed or cared that she always wore long sleeves. No one noticed how carefully she held her hands these days, or saw her momentary wince when her bag slipped off her shoulder and hit in the wrong places. She cursed the mask she always wore. Cursed its necessity. And then she blessed it. Blessed it for teaching her how to hide, how to keep anyone from ever knowing.