Wo Sitamgar Bichar Gaya To Rooh Meri Saath Le Gaya,
Ab Khaali Jism Kehta Hai Mohabbat Weham Hoti Hai....
MARIA ALI AHWAAN'S POV
Four years passed since that day and not even for once I looked back. How could I ? My inner turmoil was at its peak that time and I had enough of humiliation coming towards me. I would not have survived I would have stayed back.
Sometimes I think I was selfish to leave. I didn't even informed anyone before leaving. That time I did what I thought was right and the first thought which came to my mind was to leave. I didn't thought about my family who loved me to the bits and left that place. Maybe I was selfish but for me, it was my way to protect my life from getting ruined.
Was I coward to leave ? Was I too weak letting him run over me just because I loved him ? I don't know and I don't plan to find out if I was.
It's all past now. He is not in my life anymore and I am glad about that. His presence was too toxic for me.
I was so lost in his love that I forgot about my existence. He was my start and my end too. I was so lost loving him that I never realized I too needed love.
Mujhme jitni mohabbat thi maine sab unpe vaar di, khud ke liye kuch bachaya hi nahi.
Going away made me realize about self love. I always wanted someone to love me but never realized that someone could be me too. It made me realize putting myself before other's, thinking about my happiness too. It made me realize to be vocal about my feelings and most importantly it made me realize to keep self respect on the top of my priority list.
I learnt love is not everything but respect and trust is. You can't always trust and respect a person you love but you can always love a person who earned your respect and trust.
I guess the naive and the dependent girl in me died when I came here. Slowly but steadily I became what I should have years ago. I guess that's what a heartbreak does to you but in my my case it was a positive change for which I am thankful to him.
He made me realize my worth. He made me realize that I shouldn't let people step upon me just because I am attached with them. The day I lost him I felt like I had died but then I rose from the same ashes of my ruin just like a phoenix. I became a better version of myself.
The day I left Delhi was the day I left a piece of mine there. Even when I would have wanted it I could have never been able to take it back. It belonged to him. It was his possession. Yes, I am talking about my heart. The same heart who was crushed mercilessly by him. Aamina appi was right it was love and no matter how much I tried I wasn't able to undo it. But I was able to lock it down deep down within myself. I can't go through that same phase again. I can't afford to weak again and see myself getting ruined again.
Shifting Mumbai was the best decision I ever took but it was not easy. My first year here was very difficult but slowly and steadily I became who I always intended to be. First few months were hell for me. There were days when I just held myself staring into nothing. I was emotionless. It was as if all the emotions were sucked out of me leaving nothing. Nothing to feel, nothing to hold on to. I even starved myself not because I wanted to, but because I was not in my senses. I was depressed to the state where I had no idea how to move on.
I was broken to the point I didn't knew how to mend those broken pieces of mine.
