Vague Existence

Chapter 18: Mew

In the darkness, I watched Gulf kick the ball. Over and over he practiced to shoot the ball in different distances and angles. Over and over I debated with myself if I should come over and assist him or stay here where he can't see me.

I miss angry Gulf. He stirs up emotions I don't usually show to anyone. He tests my limits, my boundaries. I feel alive with our banter..... I miss myself when I am with him.

He was giving me his cold shoulder. He is so polite, I want to wring his neck just so I can have a glimpse of what's inside. Is this what he meant when he sees me unfazed? Composed?

When I saw him laugh in class this morning, I felt my heart skip. I have never seen his face light up with genuine happiness. I want that too. I want him to look at me with happy eyes too.

I want him angry, relaxed, happy, focused, determined and I want to be part of all those emotions..... but never the cold shoulder.

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He was running in the field now, doing some sprinting. Aren't you tired Gulf? It's after 10,
let's go home now.

It's as if he heard me. He's now walking out of the field. I waited outside the gym, still in the darkness. He's now walking to the dorm, didn't even take a shower. I was following him on a safe distance, appreciating the view in front.  Before I know it, we reached the dorm and my chance to approach him already gone.

I went to my place too, directly to the tinted window and looked down to his. The lights were dimmed. I waited until I saw him drying his hair with a towel. He was on his boxers. He went to get a pen and started writing things down in the whiteboard. Has he erased that board? Or is he adding PROs and CONs under my column. After an hour of watching him scrunch his face as if thinking of something, I was ready to call it a day.

Goodnight Gulf.