heartsick.

three

"ms. kang, you're doing a lot better today—it must be because your daughter is here," a female doctor said with a light laugh, taking a quick glance at the awkward girl standing in the doorway of the hospital room. jisu watched the doctors check up on her sick mother with a toothless smile to hide the fact that all she felt was sadness.

when she had walked in earlier that morning, her mother was still sound asleep and jisu couldn't help but cry at the sight of the woman. her mother who once appeared bright and healthy looked frail. she was always more on the chubby side but her cheeks were sunken and her lips were bluish. the woman's light brunette hair was dull and darker and when her mother woke up, it almost looked like she had no life in her eyes. the once beautiful glimmering brown was pale and lifeless.

it was scary how fast people could change in just a short amount of time.

jisu hadn't seen her mother in a little over four years but they did talk on the phone daily. the woman never sounded sick but jisu soon realized she was just good at acting.

"thank you," jisu said thankfully as the doctors left after checking up on the older woman, leaving the females alone in the large hospital room. jisu's mom turned to her daughter and smiled weakly. jisu walked over to the woman and felt the tears rush back to her eyes again but she blinked them away before she bent down and embraced her mother.

"my beautiful daughter," jisu's mom mumbled into her ear and ran her hand through the girls soft brunette hair." i'm so happy to see you again."

jisu pressed her lips together in a tight smile." me too."

the girl did feel content to see her mother but she wished she didn't have to see her that way. she didn't want to see her ill mom, she wanted to see the vivacious and loud woman who would normally scold her and probably even flick her on the head for not visiting sooner. the woman who would act upset for the first few minutes then break out into fits of laughter because she was just that lively and couldn't ever be upset for long.

jisu hated herself for leaving.

maybe if she hadn't left, her mom wouldn't be sick and dying on a hospital bed. maybe if jisu hadn't left, hoseok would be alive and she would've revealed how she truly felt.

but jisu did leave. jisu did leave because she knew that even if she told hoseok she was in love with namjoon, he would easily forgive her because he was that amazing and unique of a person. she couldn't let that happen. she wanted him to hate her. but in the end, hoseok did what no one ever imagined he would do and ended his own life.

jisu and her mom soon let go of each other and the older woman brought her shaky and cold hands to caress jisu's cheeks. jisu slightly flinched at the sudden coldness of her mother's hands." i missed you so much, my sweet girl."

jisu had never seen her mom so weak and all she wanted to do was cry. she ended up doing so without realizing until the woman wiped her tears away." why are you crying?"

the older female knew exactly why her daughter was crying and it made her feel so guilty. she didn't tell jisu she was dying and didn't want to have her daughter find out she was sick until she was actually gone, but the young woman deserved to be told—she was her daughter after all." why didn't you tell me," jisu asked, her voice cracking as she finished her sentence.

jisu's mother pressed her lips together tightly and she avoided her daughter hard stare." i'm so sorry. i didn't want to burden you."

jisu shook her head and wiped away her fresh tears with the back of her hand." mom please," she sobbed, stunned by her words and caused her mom to cry too when she saw how desperate her only daughter looked." if you told me, i could've helped you. i would've found a way for you to be treated earlier-"

the younger woman's words were cut short when she saw her mom shake her head and sigh." it still would've been impossible. i've been sick for years jisu. all i would've done is stress you out and i didn't want to do that... sweetie, the doctors are treating me here anyway, that's why i'm still even breathing," she explained." i'm so sorry."

her mother wrapped her skinny arms around jisu again and the two kang women cried together for what felt like hours that afternoon. jisu not only lost hoseok, she was now going to lose her mother too and it all hurt so much.
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i hope you are all safe and doing well during this difficult time. please message me if any of you ever want to talk, (i'm pretty awkward) but i'm here x