Into Darkness

CHAPTER 2

Ace helped me clean up the rest of my mess and pack up some of my stuff. I could practically feel the unease rolling off of him in waves. Maybe he was scared that all the nights he had spent metaphorically talking me off the ledge had been useless, or maybe he was scared that if I saw Jax again I wouldn't come back to him. I saw the way he looked at me, a look that was reserved for more than just a friend, but I refused to act on it. I wouldn't let myself break his heart, not again.

We stood at the door, Ace fidgeting nervously. I knew what was coming, I knew what he wanted to say, but I wouldn't give him the chance.

"Scar I-"

"Don't, Ace. Not now." I was practically begging. He just sighed, defeated.

"Be safe, okay? I'll be there in a second if you need me." I nodded as he pulled me into him. The warmth of his body, the familiar smell of his cologne, the comfort of his arms around me was almost enough to make me stay. Instead I just nodded, not trusting myself to say anything back. I was afraid to tell him just how hard it was to leave him, afraid of what would happen if I admitted it to him and to myself.

So I left, like usual. Ran away from this problem and straight into another one. Returning to the clubhouse usually felt like returning home, but this time I felt no peace. I don't know how long I was parked outside, but I felt paralyzed. I didn't see Jax's bike here, but I was still fucking terrified that I would walk in and see his face and all the progress I had made would have been for nothing. I would see him and I would be back in Nate's old apartment, a gun pressed against my head, wishing it was me he had shot that night so I didn't have to feel like I had betrayed my family by loving the man who had killed our brother. 

I shook my head, forcing the thoughts away. I forced myself to think of Angel and Stas who were in there waiting for me, and that was enough to get me out of the car. I saw a pack of cigarettes on the table and reached for one without thinking. I took a drag and felt like I could finally breathe again despite the familiar burn.

"Thought you quit?" I didn't answer, just took another long drag. I don't know why hearing his voice brought tears to my eyes, but it did and it was fucking embarrassing. I dropped the cigarette, turning and crashing into a pair of open arms. He pulled back and ran a thumb under my eye with a small smile on his face.

"You missed me that much huh?"

"It was so much better when you weren't speaking." Val laughed loudly, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

"Don't tell Chuck I told you this, but he's been waiting for you to get here all week."

"Asshole probably just wants me back behind the bar."

"Well I'm sure that's part of it." I smiled and shook my head. It was silent for a moment.

"How much do they hate me?"

"They could never. They just miss you, Scar. We all do. I know you have your life in the city but we never thought you would just up and leave like that. Clubhouse isn't the same without you."

"You know I can't come back here."

"He hasn't been back in a while. Tried to get him back for lockdown but didn't get an answer." I felt relief and disappointment all at once.

"Why are we on lockdown anyway?"

"Maybe you should come inside first."

"Cut the shit Val and just tell me." He let out a deep sigh.

"We've been planning retaliation for Nate for a year now. We finally had a plan. A big one. One that would take out the Titans hopefully for good. It was a bunch of little things like taking out warehouses, shit like that and then the grand finale. But a couple of months ago all our plans went missing and ever since someone's been doing all the small jobs." I gave him a questioning look.

"The small things were easy, could be done with a couple of guys. But the last one...going in alone would be a suicide mission." I could feel my heartbeat increase, I could feel it slamming against my chest.

"It's Jax, Scar. It has to be."

"What's the last job?" he didn't look at me.

"Goddamn it what's the fucking job Val?"

"Take out the president's son. Leave him with nothing...no club and no family.  But they're onto us.  They attacked the clubhouse and some of our warehouses already."

"Jesus Christ."

"Yeah. So maybe it's time that you tell me what this is really about." I looked at him confused.

"I'm not stupid Scar and I'm not blind. I know you two didn't just have a falling out. I know there's something more and I know that you've been hiding something since the night Angel was born." I could feel my heartbeat ringing in my ears, my hands starting to sweat...all the signs of someone who's guilty and knows they've been caught. Part of me wanted nothing more than to tell him, to finally be freed of this goddamn secret. But I knew he would never forgive me and even if he did, he would never look at me the same. I knew because it's the same feeling I got every time I looked in the fucking mirror.

"You know how these guys are Val. Hell, you were one of these guys before Stas. But I wasn't enough to change him. I should've listened to you when you warned me to stay away." he just nodded. 

I knew that he didn't believe me and I knew that soon enough, my secret would be out.  

Sorry for the long wait guys.  Writing this has been super hard lately but I'm trying to get back into it.  Hope everyone is staying safe and healthy and thank you for the support ❤️