Love You Till The End (Robert Zussman x Reader)

57 - Y/N L/N

March 6, 1945
Near Remagen, Germany

When I joined the Army, I expected to be treated unfairly by the men around me. Although I've encountered my fair share of men who didn't know how to respect me as one of their own, I'm glad that the soldier life has allowed me to meet great men too.

I've never been more grateful for a group of friends until now. It's strange that it took a war to bring us together, but I believe we've built a bond that cannot be built back home. We may not feel like our luck is high on the battlefield, but we feel lucky to have each other. Maybe it's because facing death together makes for a friendship that's one of a kind; we have each other's backs because one of us could lose our lives at any moment. Our friendships could come to an end very quickly.

When we lost Turner, it wasn't easy to stop thinking about because he was a big part of helping us become better soldiers. Zussman's capture is different because we don't know if he's dead or alive and that's what makes it even harder to stop thinking about; every second that goes by is time we are losing to find him alive if he hasn't already had his life taken away yet.

Of course, there's more to why the thought of Zussman won't escape my mind, not even for a minute. After all, our bond is different than of those that either of us have built with the rest of the boys; we allowed ourselves to experience the sweet and scary vulnerability of love with our lives on the line. By doing this, we added a new fear to our list of pre-existing ones. Not only did we have to worry about never making it back home to our families, but we also had to worry about one of us making it home without the other; in other words, losing the chance to build a future together.

The risks to our relationship never left, but we chose to push them away whenever we could in hopes that we would have some luck. Maybe it wasn't right of us to do that, but when something makes you happy, it can be harder to be realistic to yourself, especially when you're in a place where happiness isn't very easy to come by.

After me being kidnapped and now with Zussman captured, I've come to recognize that although we've experienced so much danger and fear while in service, we had the privilege of being near each other. We didn't have to experience the sadness of being separated by the war like many of the men with sweethearts or wives waiting for them back home have to deal with. There were a few times I saw this sadness on the faces of some of the men in my platoon when I was asked to pass out mail and it was difficult to not feel pity for them.

With Zussman being gone for about two months now, I've had to deal with the sadness and worry of being separated from someone that I hoped to someday be able to love without the dangers of the war getting in the way. It's affected my dreams and my appetite, but in no way do I let it affect my duties as a soldier. After all, I'm still here to help end this war; to put an end to Nazi tyranny and to end the increasing losses of sons, fathers, husbands, and lovers from all nations involved in this war.

Giving up on my soldiering would be like giving up on not only my squad, but my whole platoon. I couldn't let them down like that, especially the men who've been so helpful to me since Zussman's capture.

Aiello and Stiles both have witnessed me crying even though I try to seclude myself whenever I feel my emotions overcoming me. They don't even have to say anything to make me feel better because their presence is enough. I think they both know that nothing they say will ever truly take the sadness away which is why they've normally just allowed me to let out my tears. The truth is, it's up to me to not forget what happened, but slowly learn to live my life without it holding me back. That is, if I get to return home someday.

Another great man I respect very much and feel privileged to know is Daniels. After he told me he gave up going home in order to try to save Zussman, I was in absolute awe of what I was hearing. He's a future husband and a soon-to-be father, yet he gave up his chance to indulge in what sounds like a wonderful future to save his best friend. He's truly a one of a kind soldier and friend. Even though he's the youngest, it often feels like he's the older figure to look up to in our squad.