Vague Existence

Chapter 29: Gulf

I am tired. So tired, I just want to distance myself from everything.

I am tired from IFL, tired from studying, even tired from dating. During the day, it's all school and football practice. Championship has started and we lost the first game. The second game is next week and practice has been hell. Most nights, I date Reena, one of the cheerdancers. Or at least try to date her. I don't even fucking know anymore. Everytime we go out, I make excuses to go home early with reasons like I respect her or she's important to me or just whatever I can think of. When I am at my place, alone, I want to go see her just to get out of the place. Jag has been of help too but he sees right past through me and I don't want him to know anything about he-who-cannot-be-named. No one knows. It's best this way so it doesn't feel like it actually happened.

I haven't seen him after the day he talked to me at the mechanical lab. I found out from coach that he-who-cannot-be-named is also working for his uncle and that there is a critical case he is handling right now. He also appointed someone else to run the school for a while so he hasn't been staying at his place. There is a big part of me that wants to know what his issues are but everytime I remember his face when I asked about his fiance, I just can't deal. Whatever and however big the reason is, I don't think I'll ever be able to accept the arrangement he is offering.

So I went with my reality. There was no imaginary line to cross anymore because the gap was just impossible to overcome. I did all I could to move on. I tried everything except drinking, until tonight. Tonight I have a date with Reena and I plan to drink, just a sip, just to losen a bit of my inhibitions and maybe, just maybe, I'll give in to her. She deserves it after making all the efforts to flirt with me this last few weeks.

Reena is a nice girl. She lives in a posh apartment in the central district with her parents. Her place is actually just across our family's building. If this goes well tonight, I just might be tempted to bring her to my own apartment which I haven't used for a very long time.

I took a 30 minute bus ride to central district. I brought my uniform for tomorrow and will leave it at my apartment before fetching her.

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Standing in front of her front door, made me nervous. I haven't done this before, going to a girl's place with parents inside. This is a big deal for me and more so for her. Feeling anxious, I felt like backing out but as I was about to turn around she opened the door.

"Hey, I saw you on the security camera. You didn't knock."

I loosened my tie. "Sorry I was preparing myself."

"Haha. Don't worry, my mom will love you."

That's what I am afraid of. Just then, I see her mother behind her. "Good evening Ma'am."

"Good evening young man. I hope you enjoy your night and please take care of my daughter."

Her mom is so pleasant. I am going to hell for using her daughter as a rebound. "Don't worry Ma'am, she's in good hands." The hell she is Gulf.

We went on after the pleasantries. I brought her to a high end restaurant just across the street. She was all smiles. And I felt all the more guilty for being here for the wrong reasons.

"Hey, you haven't complimented my dress yet."

"Oh sorry. Of course you look beautiful as always." She looks at me lovingly.

This is a mistake, you were suppose to just find someone to fuck. But that's not really true, right Gulf? What you really wanted was an eye for an eye. For him to hurt like you do, or did, yeah whatever. You just can't get past it could you?