𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐚'𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐱. carl grimes

THIRTY-SIX: the g word

I look down at the freshly turned soul at my feet,
no one else in sight. We held Beth's funeral here, a day or two from Atlanta in this peaceful patch of grass a mile or so from the road. The funeral was heartbreaking to say the least. The echoes of Maggie's cries still vibrate through my head, each time breaking my heart even more. I could only imagine what it was like to loose a sister in such a way. God, if I lost Claire like that I would go crazy. I stare into the ground for a little longer, pondering the death of someone so close before slowly pulling myself away from the grave. Beth's death gave me an urge to cling onto my own sister like there was no tomorrow and for Maggie's sake, I was going to do it.

I swiftly make my way through the light wood between the grave and the road where our small caravan was parked. My hand clenching the handle of my machete very tightly. Beth's death had put all of us on edge, including me. So much so that Rick and my own dad refused to let me go out into the neighborhood Noah told us about. Instead I had to sit here with nothing better to do than think about how any of us could die at any second.

I eventually break the tree line to find myself standing in front of the cars and fire truck. I slowly place my machete back into my belt loop, relieved to be unharmed. I saunter my way past the fire truck, Maggie's soft cries still breaking through the thin walls along with reassuring noises from Glenn. I want so badly to comfort Maggie in any way I could but I just didn't know how at the moment so I don't stop. I finally make it to the car my family had came here in and peer through the dusty window to find Claire sprawled out on the back seat and Carl laying in the passengers seat with Judith in his arms, also asleep. A warmth spreads through my chest to see them both so peacefully asleep, unharmed.

I slowly open the door which makes a small popping noise. I climb into the car after carefully adjusting Claire's feet to give me some room. I plop down on the dirty seat and slowly shut the door. The door shuts a little bit louder than I meant it too and Claire's sleepy eyes pop open. "Finn, what are you doing?" she asks groggily, still half asleep.

"Nothing, just wanted to check in on you, that's all" I whisper.

"Thanks, I guess" she mumbles, rubbing her eyes. We sit there in silence for a bit, both of us just staring out the dirty windows. I fiddle with my finger, wanting so badly to tell Clair show much I cared about her but it felt too awkward. Just do it, pussy, I told myself but I just sat there. I look over at Claire and she turns around at the same time. We look at each other before Claire finally speaks up, "I feel so bad for Maggie"

"Me too" I respond, "It must be so hard to loose a sister"

Claire nods, understanding what I was trying to say. She was always better with emotions than I was. "I know you love me, Finn" she responds with a small smile on her face, "and I know you don't want me to die either"

I let out a small chuckle. "I do love you and I just wanted to make sure you knew. I don't want you to feel like I don't care about you ever again, alright?" I ask, remembering a couple days ago in the church.

"That wasn't your fault. It was mine. I was selfish and didn't see how much everyone really did care." she mumbles.

I rest my hand on Claire's shoulder, "No, It was mine. You're my little sister. It's my job to make sure your safe; both physically and emotionally"

"I love you, Finn. I hope you never die" Claire tells me and she wraps her arms around my waist, embracing me.

I let another small laugh, "I hope you never die either"

Eventually, Claire pulls away from the hug and gives me a bright smile. "Be right back, I gotta pee really bad" she laughs.

"Okay, have fun weirdo" I laugh back before she pops open the car door and crawls out.