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19

I watch in absolute shock as River is still on top of Adam while beating the shit out of him. Every single person at the party is now watching them fight. People's eyes are on me also as I kinda just stand there with wide eyes.

When it finally hits me, I start stressing the fuck out. These kinda things never happen to me and I don't know what I should do. Suddenly I feel another episode coming. Whenever I'm really stressed out or scared I can have a episode. I pray I won't go crazy in front of everyone.

At this point Adam is covered in blood while River's knuckles still make contact with his face. He's throwing mad punches at him. Some guys including Troy come up to them and try to part them from eachother. I step back. Troy grabs River by the arm and drags him away from Adam's limp body. They back off and now I can see in what a bad state River's knuckles are. His eyes make contact with mine. I missed his staring.

But those eyes had changed.

They look mad and dark at the same time. As if something switched in River when he started beating Adam. I recognize those eyes from that night at the library. It happend a few months ago. So much time has passed but it feels as if i'm pulled back in time.

But why did he beat Adam like that ?

Just because he said something stupid about the two of us together. Did he want to protect me from Adam's hurtfull words ? Thousands of questions pop up in my mind.

Maybe it was the alcohol that made me so bold suddenly. But I put all of my energy together and walk up to where Troy and River are currently standing. River's eyes are still on me while my attention turns to Troy. He looks at me weirdly.

'I will take care of him', I assure Troy before grabing River's not hurt hand. Then I ask Troy where I can find the first aid kid and he says it's placed in the kitchen. So without saying anything to River, I walk to the kitchen with him. I can tell he is analysing me again with that stare of his. I calmly enter the kitchen. After a few minutes I find the first aid kid. River suddenly looks away from me.
'Don't act as if you care about me .'

With the first aid kid still in my hands, my body turns to face River. Somehow his words have cut through me. He doesn't know how I feel about him. God I don't even know what I'm
feeling for him. I just want to help because this is my fault. While ignoring his staring eyes, I put the first aid kit down on the kitchen counter while River sits down on one of the chairs. Then he looks at me again, this time I don't hesitate to look away. 'Answer me.'

My whole body heats up by his intense stare. My drunk mind tries to form an answer to his previous question. What should I even say?

Hey River I have mad feelings for you that's why I care....

God why am I so drunk. I feel that I'm going to say something really stupid. For a split second I close my eyes. It feels so peaceful that I almost forget where I am and with who.

Key word : Almost

'Because I just want to care okay ?'
It's an honest answer. I don't want to lie. I live in one big lie everyday but with River I want to be honest. Because he does something to me no one ever did. This effect he has on me is unexplainable. But I know it's there.

'I can handle it myself', River looks a little taken back by my answer but he quikly adjusts to his emotionless facial expression. He completely ignores the fact that I just told him I care about him. It's weird to think about. Someone like me who never interacts with anyone and always gets judged because of my so called 'high status' fell for someone like River. He is hated by the whole school and bullied by multiple pupils. His family went bankrupt and he has mad drug and alcohol problems in his family and still I somehow managed to develop these feelings for him when all the other girls shiver when he walks buy.

How could our paths cross like that ?

'Just give your damn hand', I sigh in annoyance. The sudden boldness I behave is a weird feeling considering I'm a little pussy ninty procent of the time. River looks at me weirdly but does give his hand. His beblooded hand calmly rests on the kitchen counter while I grab everything I need out of the first aid kid.

Suddenly the sober me is hesitating to touch his hand. I feel a sudden stress building up inside of me. But my drunk side takes over me and before I know it his hand is mine. I softly put the wet cloth on his wounds to rinse it. He grows a litlle but quikly adjusts. My eyes are glued to his hand, I don't dare to look up at him. I can feel his eyes are focused on me.

After what feels like forever, I'm finally done cleaning his wounds up. The knuckles look in a beter state then they were before. I smile at my good job. I did well. My mother was a very well known doctor. She tought me all the basic cleaning wounds stuff and shit. Memories of her start getting into my head. She would be mad at me for getting this drunk.

'Thanks', River thanks me for the first time and I have a feeling he doesn't thank anyone often. That made me
feel a little special. But I quikly shut down the inner fangirl in me. I look up at him while still smiling. His eyes pierce in mine. I'm quietly leaning against the kitchen counter while looking into his deep blue eyes.

I could drown in those eyes.

~