To Heal A Lonely Heart

Confession

My whisper was barely audible, even for me, who had said it. If he were human I knew he wouldn't have heard it. But he wasn't human. And he had heard me; the little hitch in his breath and the stopping of his hand on my waist was proof enough.

I held my breath as I waited for another reaction, anxious, not daring to look at him. For a long time he was quiet. Then, "Nienna," his voice sounded strained, sad and apologetic all at once, making my stomach turn. He was going to reject me. "We met a week ago. You barely know me."

"I know how I feel! And I know you. Every time I look into your eyes I can see your thoughts, if I want to or not." Tears welled up in my eyes.

To my confusion he was still holding me tight. I had expected him to throw me out of the room or something, but he remained calm, holding me in his arms. It made me nervous. What was going on in his head? I still didn't dare to see for myself.

"I know," I croaked out around the lump forming in my throat, "that you were left behind as a little boy. I know that you fear the people getting close to you abandoning you sooner or later. I can understand why you push everyone away just to never get hurt." I looked up at him. An almost pained expression sat on his face. "And, do you know why? I've been through similar shit too. I was also ripped from a peaceful life and into one filled with nothing but violence. I know what it feels like to be left all alone. I know you because were not so different."

His expression did not change, and he dropped his hand from my waist. I got off the bed.

"I'm gonna sleep on the floor," I announced, my voice dry.

Making myself comfortable in front of the fireplace, wrapped into the blankets I took from home, I sobbed silently. My back was facing the witcher, but I was sure he could see the shaking of my shoulders and hear my rapid breath. I cried myself into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up still wrapped into the blankets, but no longer in from of the fireplace. I was back in the bed, back in Geralt's arms as he was spooning me. It was still dark outside, we had some time until we needed to leave the room, so I snuggled into the embrace of the man I loved.

Yes, I still loved him, it wasn't something I could switch off, but he would have some explaining to do once he woke up. Especially after getting me back on the bed after I told him that I wanted to sleep on the floor. But for now I was just enjoying his warmth and the safety of his strong arms.

Not so much later he stirred, but didn't move except for kissing my cheek softly, muttering a quiet "I'm sorry". He must be thinking I was still asleep. So I pretended to wake up, stretching a little in his tight embrace, waiting for his reaction.

He took a deep breath and loosened his grip a little, letting me get out of his arms if I wanted. But I didn't want to leave his embrace; I only turned, facing him, my eyebrows knitted together to a hurt expression. He sighed deeply, closing his eyes for a moment and stared talking.

"I'm sorry, Nienna. I really am. This is not an excuse, I know that, but no one ever told me they loved me, and I didn't know how to react. And you are right. I don't let anyone get close to me. The last person I care about, I had to kill. I understand if you want to leave now." he looked so sad, it brought tears to my eyes. "I don't know if I can love, but I know that I care about you. Deeply."

A mixture of sob and laugh escaped my throat. "I could never leave you. Ever since our first morning together I couldn't." I cupped his cheeks with my hands and kissed him softly. "I love you, Geralt. And if you'll have me, we can find out if you're able to."

The sun was rising now and I got out of bed, or at least planned to. The moment I tried to stand I fell back onto the bed, my leg feeling like jelly from the, ahem, rough treatment of last night. That caused the witcher to laugh, all tension that may have remained between us blown away. I shot him a glare, pretending to be mad. "Sorry," he mumbled sheepishly, getting up himself and getting dressed, throwing me my clothes because I obviously couldn't walk.

Why did we think rough sex would be a good idea before walking for probably days?

Once we were dressed and packed we left the inn, getting Roach out of the stable and leaving Flotsam all together.

Walking was uncomfortable, but not impossible, so I bit my teeth together and walked next to Geralt. He had offered multiple times for me to ride on Roach, but seeing that I would have to sit on exactly the spot that was the sorest I thought that it wouldn't be a good idea.