Five Days Home

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28 August 2017

Rob tucked his arms more securely around my waist as he pulled me further back onto the bed, burying his face into my hair. He had been the one to arrive the morning after the night Lachlan woke up and my story had upset him so much he had to leave the room for an hour until he calmed down enough to come back in. It made me upset all over again and I ended up crying into the awful hospital pillow while Lachlan lay, still silent, six feet away from me.

"Is it bad that I think maybe it would have been better that all of the doubts we had were true?" I whispered, unable to say that actual word. "That it would have been better than this?"

He had to pause, thinking about it for a few minutes before really answering.

"I don't know Vikk." He finally said. "It's only been a few days so I haven't... I haven't really processed it yet. I don't think it's fully hit me yet but... sometimes, yes. I look at him and think maybe it would have been better, but I'm not going to think about it because it isn't our reality. He's here and he's alive, and he needs us to support him. We can't sit there and think that maybe he should be dead. He needs love and support. Yeah?"

"Yeah." I said quietly. I looked over at Lachlan, trying to picture the boy I had known back them. He didn't even seem like the same person to me anymore. "I guess."

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I wasn't alone the next time he woke up, Preston curled up on the bed beside me when I first noticed he was starting to stir. We were almost at the end of day five now, only an hour to go until visiting hours closed and someone came to pick Preston up. I think Tobi was meant to be staying the night. They didn't want to leave me alone after what happened earlier.

Preston noticed first, looking up from his book, glancing down and then shooting back up as he saw Lachlan roll his head to the side. That caught my attention and I watched for a moment too- yes, he was waking up. Preston didn't know how to react so he just kept glancing between me and Lachlan, eyes wide with fear and uncertainty. I simply shook my head, pushing him back a bit, knowing he would get my message. Stay silent, don't make any sudden moves, don't scare him. He would be the first person outside of myself to see him.

Lachlan's fingers twitched, eyes moving beneath his eyelids. His head rolled again, mouth opening in a silent groan. I slipped off my bed and kneeled down beside his, hand reaching out to squeeze his wrist gently, comfortingly, hoping to let him know that I was there. He seemed to know because slowly, straining, his eyes fluttered open and connected with mine.

He looked... faded. His eyes were no longer that electric, sapphire blue, they were dull and almost grey. His skin was verging on grey too, hair gone, pale, skinny, bruised and scarred. It was like he was the shell of a person. And as he looked at me, it was like he wasn't really there. He was looking at me but there was no focus, no recognition, no nothing. Lachlan simply wasn't there anymore.

"Hey Lachy..." I whispered, squeezing his hand. "It's me, it's Vikk. Can you see me? Can you hear me? Can you feel my hand?"

The boy managed to nod slowly, grimacing as he moved. He was still on pain meds but apparently it wasn't enough to stop the pain entirely. His eyes flickered past me to all the machines hooked up to him, then to the door, and finally to the other bed in the room with Preston. There was a moment where my heart sank, he didn't seem to recognise him, but then something flooded into his eyes. There wasn't that glassy look, he focused on Preston, then me, then Preston again. His mouth opened-

"Vi-Vikk." He croaked, voice breaking. His eyes begged me. "Vikk!"

"Hey Lachy." I whispered, tears already falling. "It's me. You're okay, you're safe."

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