885 Days [A Vikklan/Sidemen/Pack Story]

Sixty-One Days Home

23 October 2017

Home. God, home. It took nearly two months before Lachlan was discharged from the hospital and was allowed to go home, with an armful of medications and daily visits from nurses and doctors, but it was a cause for celebration for all of us. Two months of nightmares and fights and panic, but two months of happiness and relief and shock that Lachlan had come home to us had led to this moment. The moment Lachlan was wheeled from the hospital in his own clothes, ready to say goodbye to that room for the last time.

The look on Lachlan's face as we left was one of relief, but it was also conflicted. For two months it was all he had known and he had grown comfortable with it, knowing it as a safe place where he had begin to heal. I didn't know if he would wake up panicked because he didn't know where he was, if the new house would remind him of that mans house, if there were going to be any other factors. I just didn't know, but I was happy enough for him to be home that for some time, I just didn't care. Lachlan was home and that was all that mattered.

That first night was one of the happiest yet simultaneously the scariest thing I felt I had ever experienced in my life, despite everything that had happened before. It was another unknown for both him and I and we had no idea how it was going to go.

Lachlan's eyes widened as we drove down the driveway to the house, the size of it shocking him. I smiled.

"There are 11 of us that live here Lachy, it's gotta be big."

"All of you live here?" He asked quietly, turning to me. "Mitch and Jerome and Preston and Rob...?"

"They're here permanently now, Rob and Mitch both have a dual residence while Preston and Jerome are working on it. After you went, they didn't want to go home. Ethan and Harry still have an apartment pretty close by, but I think they prefer it with everyone else around."

He nodded, eyes drifting back to the window as I stopped. It had just been him and I on the drive home, the other boys realising that maybe not overwhelming him would be a good idea, so they left it to me. I was glad to do so.

Lachlan had still never entirely explained to me, even in the two months, why he clung to me. I understood we had been the closest back then, but in the beginning he wouldn't let any of the others touch or speak to him, even Rob. I did want to know but I didn't push it- he probably had his reasons, and they were probably very valid.

He turned, feet just touching the ground, when he looked up at me again.

"Where am I sleeping?" He whispered.

"We... we haven't really talked about it yet, there's no spare bedrooms so if you want to be alone we can have someone move-"

"No." He said quickly, hunching his shoulders. "I don't wanna sleep alone."

"Alright. Do you wanna stay in my room? I've only got my bed..." I trailed off.

"It's fine." He whispered. Then he repeated- "I don't wanna sleep alone."

Helping him to his feet- he was still very weak and couldn't walk on his own, but a whole month of improvement and physical therapy helped- I held him as he very shakily step from the car to the front door. We couldn't use the wheelchair on the gravel driveway, so it was only once we were inside that I got him situated on it. The house was silent, no one else was home.

"How long have you been here?" He asked as I wheeled him into the entryway, in awe of the huge room. It was quite overwhelming, entering the place for the first time. "I don't... I don't remember this place."

"Just over two years, I think. Our last night in the old place was your 20th birthday, yeah. So two years and two months."

Lachlan's face contorted with an emotion I couldn't distinguish, I couldn't tell whether it was anger, sadness or utter hopelessness. I think that had brought up a memory he wasn't able to discuss.

"The other place wasn't big enough for the 13 of us, even with everyone sharing room and Harry and Ethan in their apartments. After a month or so none of the Pack boys wanted to go home and we realised we had to find somewhere bigger, so we found this place. It's been nice here, certainly big enough, and it's let our YouTube careers flourish."

He nodded. I had told him everything about YouTube and what we had been up to since he disappeared, but there was still so much he didn't know.

"My bedroom's upstairs but we have an elevator, so everything should be okay. Do you want me to show you around today or..." I trailed off, and Lachlan shook his head.

"No... not today." He said quietly. "I think I just want to go to sleep."

"Alright."

I think it was the change of environment that stirred something. My bedroom seemed to settle him because it was so clearly mine, little trinkets lining the shelves just in the previous house, bedsheets all over the place, a piano, photos of some of my best times lining the walls. It must have smelled like me too, not that I could tell. All the tension just left his body, shoulders slumped, a low sigh leaving his mouth.

"Let's get ready for bed, yeah?" He nodded, but barely made an attempt to help.

For the first time it was me and me alone who had to help him change out of his day clothes and into his pyjamas. Previously the nurses or doctors did it, mostly when he was sedated, and it was during that time they often bathed him with sponges and cloths. Having a shower was another hurdle to overcome, but it could be dealt with later.

Helping shift him to the bed I pulled his hoodie and shirt over his head, trying not to stare. Lachlan folded his arms over his stomach, hunching down and averting his eyes. It pained me. I hated that he was so scared, so ashamed of his scars, but I knew exactly why. There was burns from cigarettes and knife wounds covering most of his upper body, twisting, raised, angry scars that made me feel sick because his once perfect, unflawed skin had been disfigured beyond repair. Every day I saw a new scar, found a new burn, even two months on.

"Shoot... I don't have any clothes that'll fit you." I said, stopping suddenly. That was an oversight that I hadn't even thought about until that moment because until two days ago, we didn't even know that Lachlan would be allowed home. "Give me a second, I'll have to borrow some of Simon's. I'm sure he won't mind."

I was just turning to leave when Lachlan's tiny voice spoke up, still hunched over on the bed.

"Can- can I have a blanket?" His voice trembled. I paused, nodded, and walked back to his side, picking up and tucking a grey fleece blanket around his shoulders.

"I'll be back in a sec, okay?" I pressed a kiss to his forehead, brushing his now inch long hair back. The sides had been shaved, giving a haircut more like what I had remembered back two and a bit years ago.

I dressed him in a thermal top and then a large shirt over top of that, and sweatpants. I then tucked Lachlan into my bed with a thick layer of blankets over him because he panicked if he was cold before clambering in beside him. He immediately clung to me.

"The boys should be coming home in a couple of hours, so don't be worried if you hear anything. They'll try to be quiet, but I don't know if they will be."

He nodded slowly, but his eyes were already flickering.

"I love you Lachy." I whispered, trailing my fingers down his forehead and nose. He giggled a bit, a sound that made my heart light up. "It's good to finally be home."