thirty two

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{past and present}

It was a cold and moonless night. The sky was dark and low, the air so chilled it almost hurt to breathe. Already the ground was beginning to frost over and Jungkook found himself having to grab onto Taehyung's shoulder to steady himself when he almost slipped. It was roughly midnight, and they were both walking back to the apartment building after their training session. 

"Taehyung." Jungkook breathed, his air coming out frosty as he turned his attention to the male walking by his side. Taehyung hadn't muttered a word since the incident a few hours ago, his shoulders were slumped and his eyes cast down in a mournful gaze. His mouth was set in a semi-pout as he trudged along, and Jungkook couldn't help but soften his expression, "Are you okay?"

As they both rounded one final corner to the apartment complex, Taehyung let out a lengthy sigh, folding his arms over his chest as he began to shiver, "I'm fine... it isn't the first time this has happened."

Jungkook rose a brow, "It isn't?"

Giving a small nod of his head, Taehyung's eyes remained glued to his feet as he walked along, "It's probably happened only a few times over the past... Yoongi rarely gets into close combat situations seeing as he's always up high and out of sight from pursuers." he began to explain, kicking a rock at his foot, "It's just how his PTSD works-"

"- was he... um." Jungkook sheepishly rubbed at the back of his neck, "You know..."

"Abused?" Taehyung said, eyes flickering up to meet with Jungkook's wide ones. The younger male said nothing so Taehyung continued, "Kinda obvious... isn't it. But, his PTSD is much more then that. Yoongi may've done a few things he isn't proud of... he blocks them out of his mind but memories can't help but resurface sometimes."

Jungkook's eyes flickered to the pavement, "Yeah... I can understand that."

"I'm sure Yoongi will explain the full story to you one day." Taehyung shrugged, feeling slightly better after his talk. 

The pair didn't take long to reach the apartment complex, climbing up the rusted metal staircase until they reached the right level. Jungkook shoved his hand into the pocket of his jeans, fishing for his keys before slotting them into the lock and opening up the door. 

They both collectively let out a breath of relief as the warm air hit them, quickly shutting the door as they slipped off their shoes only to be left walking inside with socked feet. Mentally exhausted, Taehyung made his way over to the lounge, diving onto his makeshift bed with a groan as he smooshed his face into one of the pillows, his jaw at an uncomfortable angle. He stayed like that for a time before speaking to Jungkook, eyes still on the dull fabric, 

"It was odd seeing your demeanour change so much tonight." He said, catching Jungkook's attention. Taehyung sighed into the pillow as Jungkook shuffled over into the living room, plopping himself down on the ground in front of the couch where Taehyung was laying. 

Jungkook ruffled a hand through his hair in distress, "I can't help but feel like I've got two versions of myself." He confessed. Taehyung's breathing went shallow as he realised that he'd finally managed to get Jungkook to speak about himself for once, so pushing against the lounge he adjusted himself so he was lying on his side, facing Jungkook sat on the floor. 

"What do you mean by that?"

"It's just," Jungkook squeezed his hair between his fingers, "I still don't know which one's the real me. I feel an incredible adrenaline rush when fighting, but at ease and normal when I'm not." Taehyung watched as Jungkook gritted his teeth, "I thought the me from the past was gone, but I catch myself slipping sometimes, cold and heartless." 

"Jungkook, you're not-"

"Fuck!" Jungkook exclaimed, tensing up, "I noticed the signs tonight, that Yoongi wasn't up to this... but I didn't care to stop." His eyes flickered up and Taehyung found himself falling silent. There was a glisten to his eyes as he bit against his lip, blinking away to try and hold back his emotions. 

Taehyung reached out a hand, softly placing it against the younger's shoulder, "None of us are perfect Kook." He breathed, and both of them locked eyes, "You've done some bad, bad things that I still can't wrap my head around... but you've changed, and you're conscious of your mistakes." Taehyung hated to admit it, but Jungkook still slightly scared him, the fact that this man was the heir to the Jeons was mind boggling almost. "Heck-" Taehyung's hand slipped off Jungkook's shoulder, his expression dejecting, "I've done things I'm not proud off too... and still I slip up sometimes."

Jungkook stifled a small laugh and turned to look into his eyes, "You?"

Taehyung smiled back, "Yes me." he chuckled, lightening the mood, "I wasn't always this way."

"How?" Jungkook frowned, "What did you use to do-"

The sound of Taehyung's phone buzzing from the kitchen bench disrupted the conversation, the male groaning as he sluggishly pushed himself off the lounge and made his way into the kitchen. He hated cutting conversations short, but every phone call and message was important these days. 

Sliding his hand over the bench, Taehyung swept his phone into his hands, squinting as the screen lit up in the dark room. His gaze flickered over the name, and noticing it was from Hoseok, Taehyung was quick to swipe against the screen and open up his messaging app. He leant himself against the kitchen bench, the silence droning on as the periodic tick of the clock and the occasional car driving past outside disrupted it. Taehyung tapped his foot as it loaded and he was finally able to read the message. His eyes grew wide, "Jungkook?"

The sound of shuffling came from around the corner until Jungkook made his way into the kitchen, "Who was it-"

"-Hoseok." Taehyung said, his eyes still glued to the screen. Jungkook then made his way to the male's side, leaning over so he too could read the message. And as soon as his eyes trailed over it his face was quick to fall pale. Jungkook found his heart rate pick up as he read the message word for word, biting against the inside of his cheek as he tried to suppress the shaking of his hands. Thank god it was too dark for Taehyung to notice. 

As Jungkook took a slow step back, Taehyung's eyes showed a hint of remorse as he turned the phone to him. Jungkook already knew about this, but just seeing it in words made his stomach twist. 

Taehyung let out a sigh, 

"There's been a sighting of your father in town."

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{Author Note}

How's everyone going with Quarantining? Australia just dropped some new rules that we can only go out with one other person in public, and all our shops have closed except grocery stores. 

I knew this was going to become a pandemic... all I can hope is that we all get through this as fast and safely as possible. 

Wash your hands, don't leave the house unless needed and try to stay positive. I'm sure there will also be people suffering mentally, so many jobs are lost and no one has any money coming in right now... it's awful. 

My DMs are always open! Love you guys, stay safe! xox

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