Letters and Murmurs

Chapter Sixty-Three: Photographs

"Are you okay?" Alex whispered in my ear as I stared at the pastel purple wall.

I nodded my head and bit my lip. I didn't bother to look anywhere but ahead. I had watched my friends and even new family look around my room. Dad and mom went to talk with my biological grandma while everyone else had followed me into my room. It wasn't that the room wasn't big enough for all of us, it just wasn't home anymore.

"Logan?" Dad's voice snapped me out of my trance while everyone was looking at photo albums of me.

I stood up off my bed and placed everything back where it had been as I walked into the hallway with him. Dad wrapped me in a tight embrace as I held onto him. I looked at him and then pulled away wiping my nose onto my sleeve. I looked at dad and gave him a soft smile.

"I never expected to come back to this place ever. I guess there is this part of me that when I left I forgot I was ever loved," I chuckled as everyone was laughing at my baby photos.

I watched a Ryleigh turned the page and there were crime scene photos. I saw the somber looks as they looked at the photos. There was an article about what happened in the house and who all was there. I heard Alex reading the article softly out loud to himself and probably Jack. Lisa held the photo of me cuddled up to my dead mother's body. These photos should have never been taken.

"Logan."

I snapped out my trance again looking at the photos was hard. Living it was harder. I looked around for where the voice came from this time it was frail. I knew my way through the hallway to the room he was in. There was a nurse sitting in the room as I walked in he gave me a soft smile before leaning to the side and coughing. There was blood on his lip from where he coughed.

"Loggy is that you?" He asked again before I nodded my head.

"Yes, it's me. Hi grandpa," I said walking in and not knowing how to address the dying man.

"Is it hard to look at it?" He said as I saw that he had his leg amputated.

I shook my head and put my hand out for him to hold. He took mine in his shaky hand. The nurse looked toward me giving me a soft smile. I gave a little wave to her as I noticed dad and mom standing in the doorway together.

"Grandpa, there are a few people I would like you to meet. I know they aren't my parents but I want you to know that they love me and are taking good care of me," I motioned for mom and dad to enter and they did carefully.

Dad put out his hand first as grandpa let go of mine he shook my dad's. I looked at their handshake as dad noticed my grandpa's tattoos. Mom then shook my grandpa's hand. I smiled and sat in the room talking about the old times.

"Did you know my Loggy over here was a good card player? Before she was removed from here she was the best Blackjack player I had ever met," he said as I rolled my eyes.

"It wasn't that hard to make twenty-one grandpa. Not only that you let me win those games," I giggled as he reached for my hand.

I took his hand in mine giving it the soft gentle squeeze. Mom looked between me and my grandpa many times. My grandpa on his death bed brought my hand to his and gave it a gentle kiss as I felt tears start to spill from his eyes.

"Hey don't cry," I whispered as I frantically reached for anything to wipe his tears away with.

"Loggy, I failed you. I failed you, your mother, your grandmother. They were also so faithful to me and I failed you," He cried out as the nurse administered some medication into his IV line.

Soon the elder man was asleep peacefully in the bed. I looked at the dad and mom. Mom put a hand on my shoulder as I would not let go of his cold hand. I always remembered his hand being so warm and full of strength. I was never fearful of him. I held back my tears as dad kissed my cheek.

"You look like him sweetie," Dad whispered as I nodded.

"I have his eyes," I whispered and looked at dad.

He nodded his head as I got up off my chair. I kissed his hand before walking back toward my now empty room. Mom and dad followed me as I went to the shelf. I pulled out the photo album that the others had gone through and handed it to mom and dad.

"This was my mom and me on Christmas the year before she died. Then this was my dad and me," I pointed to the people in the photos.

"This was all of us at the park for my birthday one year, then at the petting zoo. I remember thinking I wanted to be as big as a giraffe one day because I wanted to see all of the world," I whispered softly and we kept turning pages until we got to that dreaded page.

The gunshot wound, the stab wounds, the blood everywhere it was soaking the page in my vision as I turned away from mom and dad who were both hold a side of the book. I closed my eyes and tried to tell myself it was okay.

"Those were the crime scene photos. After it was determined I was not injured they-... They left me there with their bodies and took photos and didn't remove me until I finally went to one of the cops his name was Carlos. He held me as I cried and screamed because I didn't get why they wouldn't get up. I didn't- I didn't get to say goodbye or stop it or fight," I said and looked up at the stars on my ceiling giving a light chuckle at my obsession with stars.

"Logan you never had to tell us. You're our daughter and we are going to love you no matter what. You are our daughter now. You will always be their daughter first. You are ours though and this doesn't matter. I know it so hard for you to talk about but I don't want to think we don't care. Logan, we care so very much for you and about you. You have to know though sweet pea they are in a better place no matter where that is they are not here anymore," Mom spoke before closing the photo album.

The album was slipped back into the slot on a shelve as I heard some shouts from downstairs. I pointed toward the door as a sign we should go see what was going on with everyone else. I walked down the hallway looking at all the photos of the grandkids but there were none of me. I felt envious of that fact but I knew in some fashion I was not their grandchild anymore.

I looked at the walls and my fingers danced across the walls. I felt like a child walking down the hall with my finger on the wall brushing it. I saw brown eyes watching me as I walked into his arms he held me close. Jack kissed my head and wrapped his arms tightly around me as I held onto him. Alex and Lisa soon joined the hug then my mom and dad. Ryleigh, Rian and Zack were the last ones to join as I started to cry into Jack's chest.

Sometimes pride gets in the way of what is right. Swallow that pride and do what is right.