My imaginary boyfriend

3 : Reunion

Time files. Somebody says that time flies faster when we're young but nobody has never told me that time flies even faster when we feel nothing.

The past 22 years after that day had been the period that I felt nothing. It was a very fast 22 years, so fast that I felt as if I didn't make it to a bogey of the train of time. I had moved to Chiang Mai just like what my mom had asked me to. I did countless things, studied, took some admission tests and when I was finally aware of what was happening, 22 years had passed and I turned 27.

I graduated with an MD, worked as an intern of internal medicine at the same school, passed the licensing exam and then became a specialist before I decided to move back to Bangkok once again to start my new life as a fellowship resident in neurology.

Mom had met the love of her life again while in Chiang Mai. She had remarried and then immigrated to Japan. It was not a tough call to sell the house in Chiang Mai when I was finally on my own, so I returned to Bangkok to the very same house. Mom had never sold that house but she transferred the ownership to me right after she found out about my decision.

Why did it have to be Bangkok? Couldn't I just take a fellowship for this field in Chiang Mai? The answer to those questions is that I definitely could do it in Chiang Mai. The professor himself did offer me to pursue my study over there and he even offered me a teaching position. I was not so certain why I made such a decision, maybe because I didn't feel related to Chiang Mai so much. It was a bit absurd in a way, though, since I had spent my 22 years over there. That was almost my entire life but I didn't feel the bond with anything there at all.

To be honest, I didn't feel related to Bangkok either. The only thread that tied me to Bangkok was just my dad's ash that still remains inside the wall of a temple in Bangkok. Moving back here accommodated me to go see him whenever I wanted and this might have been one of the reasons. However, I suspected that there was some attraction inside me. Yes, I felt that deeply inside my body, there must be something that attracts me to Bangkok. It was not so strong, not that I could feel it at every single moment. I felt that attraction, right inside my chest, that something had driven me to return to Bangkok. Have you forgotten anything, Phraphai? Something that is waiting for you in Bangkok. Have you really forgotten? that thing was trying to ask me whenever I was alone in silence without anybody or anything occupying my mind. Of course, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find the answer for such an attraction, so returning to Bangkok was like finding the answer for that mysterious attraction inside my chest.

Being in the old places and seeing the old things might help me figure out what I had forgotten.

Frankly, I almost forgot about my childhood. 22 years of my lifetime was quite long and I spent not so much time living in this house, it was a week or two, I think. I was not quite sure about my faded memory now. Well, that was the memory of a five-year-old kid after all.

How much you can remember the memory of your five-year-old self? Even if you manage to remember your childhood memory at all, I bet it must be so fragmented and not something like a long movie that every scene of the story is so well-connected.

I had been returning to Bangkok to start my new life, or to be precise, the new life in my old house. Since the house had been abandoned for such a long time, I needed a little bit more time for repairs and renovation. Mom was my sponsor for all that. The thing was that the salary of a fellowship resident was not sufficient for such a house makeover. Even though mom had said that I didn't need to pay her back, I insisted that I would return the favor anyway. That would definitely be when I start working, after finishing my fellowship.

Since the house was under construction, I had to live in an apartment for a month. Actually, it was quite convenient. The apartment was near the hospital that I was going to so I could wake up late in the morning, plus a five-minute walk to the hospital. Therefore, when the lead mechanic told me that the house renovation was finished, I regretted it a bit that I would need to wake up early in the morning, instead of lying down on my bed comfortably until late. Well, home sweet home. If I didn't make the home sweet today, there wouldn't be anything tying me to Bangkok anymore.