Skephalo story that's crap

Chapter 6

[Ofc, massive timeskip because of my large laziness and no will to write these stuff anymore (even if it's still boring) and the fact that I changed over the 4 months and this is inspired off of my boring life but will have a decent ending unlike me-]

Zak's POV

It's been 2 months since I've became friends with Darryl.
A lot has changed since then.

We started talking to each other everyday and he actually doesn't seem like he doesn't want to. I still often feel like I'm annoying to him, so it's very rare for me to start talking.
He's usually the one that approaches me.

The fact that he actually seems excited to talk to me makes me so happy. I never thought somebody would be this nice to me.

Still, there's always the negative changes. I'll never get away from those, will I?

I've searched up what might be wrong with my lack of emotions, then found out there's a large possibility I have alexithymia.
But, since it isn't clarified as an actual mental illness, it's hard to find any data on how to get rid of it.

And so, I began thinking.

What could be the cause of it?

What might possibly help me, at least a little bit?

All I noticed is how much I'm longing for physical comfort.
I tried to ignore it as much as I could, but it always returns.

Sometimes, when I'm sitting next to any of my friends, I suddenly feel a weird urge to either lay against them or hug them.
Before, it was easy to avoid, and when I found any causes of it, I'd completely stop doing that, but now, it's gotten too hard, so I just go along with it, still never showing it.

Then, again, I remember seeing a completely random tweet on my timeline where somebody listed symptoms of depression.
It made me very confused over my current mental state.

For a moment, I thought I have depression, yet almost all of them fit for alexithymia, too.
I can't tell which one I have. There's a chance I have both.
Who am I kidding? There's no chance, right?

I guess I'll just figure it out someday.

I've also found out that I'm often stressed, but never feel it.

I remember when I simply saw the word 'stress' somewhere random and started thinking about it.
I searched it up, just like I do with various other things regarding my mental state.

After comparing the symptoms and finding many similarities, I realized how often I must be stressed.

I see my nervous ticks coming out during class so often.

I'm always so aware of everything I do, it's been messing me up so much.
It increased even more in the past few days.
It's barely possible not to notice any little thing I do.

Sometimes, when I'm trying not to cry, I accidentally dig my nails into my skin. I almost immediately notice it, and quickly drop it.
I can't even tell if it's helping me feel better or not anymore.

I never raise my hand during class anymore, unless I'm 100% sure that my answer is correct, which is rare.
Some of the teachers noticed the changes.

I really hate it when they glance at me as if I'm about to cry or something.

I've always been negative about everything. That's why I'm currently trying to be an optimist.

It hurts even more than straight up hating anything bad that happens to me, but I've already started.
It would be even harder to go back now.

Taking a positive point of view makes everything so much painful for me.