2.0 | tacenda

4| for me to find when i'm older

I want you to find me
When all's been lost and the debris has subsided,
Passing through whispers and hazy old memories,
Trying to read into what was better left unsaid.

I've made a mark, left a note
For you to stumble upon one night in passing,
Enough to deserve a pause on the feeling of being afloat
Among a sea of issues you couldn't have ever foretold you'd be amassing.

I would desire for you to look back,
Maybe turn just one page,
Bear witness to what's been kept hidden in those words on the overlooked rack
Figure out how it felt to be trapped inside a seemingly foreign cage.

I wonder if it will stir up situations long forgotten,
Perhaps make you reminisce everything that once felt immature,
If whatever past upon which you'd once trodden,
Would suddenly make you feel disgusted and impure.

I know a secret is meant to be hidden
To be locked away, safe from prying eyes of overly curious strangers,
So maybe you would realise why you were reading something written
In unsure cursive, spotted with the tears of having to face unforeseen dangers.

I muse, would you feel enlightened to know of my existence?
Or just simply burdened by all of the darkness?
I think you'll know finally, how difficult 'twas to exude resistance
To thoughts and actions and words that only ever brought numbness.

Maybe you'll sympathise with the girl you find in there,
Amidst dust and destruction all around,
But when you inevitably realise that this was where
You'd been trapped at a certain point in time, surely you'll remember
The struggles of being mind-bound.

•••

Hello, again! Okay, going to get down straight to the point now: the point of view of this poem. It really just hit me once while I was actually, can you believe it, studying. Of course,my mind were elsewhere and I should have regretted that when I didn't know stuff in my exam but I don't. Hah.

Anyway, this one is really more of an imagine, where you're wondering if what you're going through right now would even matter if and when you grow older. Because we tend to leave a lot of things behind, and the person I am right now, I'm not really proud of her, but not as ashamed as to even think of forgetting her. It's who I am, after all. I've gotten through so many situations and hurdles, both external and internal (mostly the latter), and I hope this personality doesn't shrivel and die off in hindsight.

So it's about me finding my scribbling and mindless notes here and there, on my table, my notebooks, my diary, everything, and thinking, and remembering, how it used to be and maybe that'll give me strength to go though more difficulties. If I could do this, I could definitely face what's in the future. ❤️

Side note: I was so so stuck upon naming this Future Nostalgia, after Dua Lipa's (amazingly fantastic) upcoming album, but I wondered about copyright issues and then I just didn't take it, haha. But hot damn the songs are fire.

Until next time then,