the boy on the bridge ✔️

44. hurt boy

Chapter 44 — hurt boy

Josh should've learnt by now; he should've been cautious. Nothing in his life before has ever worked out before, at least not in the way he wanted to. But still, for some unknown reason, he unconsciously lets himself believe, hope, only for it all to come crashing down on him again. He should have known. He should've known.

He robotically just stands there at the door, as he watches Elliot with none other than his ex — it doesn't take long for Josh to figure the identity of the brunette, he can just tell — void of any feelings, utterly numb. There is probably thousands of emotions brewing up beneath his self, but right then, he just can't feel them. He is just too tired. And so, he watches them, the looks exchanged, their stances, the unmistakable bond between them. He feels nothing more of an intruder, a stranger.

And that's when he realises, all these past months they've spent together, Josh has told Elliot about almost everything about his life, and Josh knows next to nothing about him. He knows his charms, his quirks; and Josh has foolishly let himself believe that that was enough — that he knows him. He doesn't — and the realisation is like a punch to his gut.

It all very well could've been just an act, a façade — and Josh bought right into it. He did say he had to get away from his house for the time being, and maybe that is all it ever was — a getaway, a mere distraction.

Oh, how foolish and naive Josh has been.

But... what about the nights they spent together, the endless talks, their shared laughter, the warm hugs and kisses that sent sparks of electricity throughout his body. It can't all have been an act.

I know him, Josh thinks but even then, it holds a sense of doubt, Do I really though?

Because right then, this boy who stands before him, he looks nothing like the Elliot Josh knows. The Elliot Josh knows always has a smile on his lips, his dimples popping out, he always stands tall and there will be an air of confidence about him; but this Elliot, he is sad, everything about him looks worn down, defeated.

Josh knows that something has happened to him, but he just thought that Elliot would come to him when he needs someone — him, not... Stanley, the ex. He thought this boy played no part in Elliot's life anymore, but clearly, he thought wrong. Josh wonders what it is that he can't tell him, and has to go to his ex.

From the first moment, Josh knew he could tell Elliot about anything at all — he thought Elliot thought the same too. Again, he has been wrong. If he was right, he would've known what had really gone between him and his ex. If he was right, Elliot would have come to him. If he was right, he wouldn't be standing like a clueless idiot watching his boyfriend interact his ex with a thousand doubts running around his mind.

Josh doesn't know what else he thought he knew of Elliot is wrong — he isn't sure if he wants to know.

He wants to take a step forward and then another until he is by his side and ask him what is wrong but holds himself; he tells himself he would come to him if he wanted to, there is nothing stopping him. And for a moment Josh thinks he would — just the mere thought waters hope in his chest but was stamped all over in seconds when Stanley moves to stand beside him, and pulls Elliot towards him.

Don't, Josh thinks; Don't go to him. I'm here.

But of course, it is a night made for being wrong.

Elliot turns towards Stanley, his back to Josh.

Josh exhales sharply, and he would've fallen on his knees if not for the fact that he is leaning against the doorframe for support. He honestly thought the night can't get any worse. He thought that all he needed was one look at his dark-haired boy and everything would be alright. Little did he know that one look was all he needed to be completely undone.