Vain

55. Decisive

If there was anything that Xi had truly wanted, it would have been to live a simple unbothered life. From birth she was taught to be proud of her heritage and who she was, her nobility defined her and without it she was nothing. Her social connections, her fiancé, her dress, her hair, her speech, her title. It was all she was worth and all everyone was worth. There was nothing else so important, her interests weren't valued unless it pushed her higher in the world one way or another. And all these things were her life laws, she believed in them, she believed in her parents, she didn't know better, she couldn't have known better. Her life had always revolved around high society. And she could not have fathomed a different existence.

Even her friendships were not made by choice, it was all ordered by her parents. No matter how young Xi was, she wasn't needed unless she did something that was beneficial to them. They didn't want to take care of someone useless. So she placed it in her mind to please her parents, to do anything to help them, only because she wanted them to care, only because she wanted them to love her too. But as she grew up, she realized it would never happen. The only love she could feel was the one that was shared by her and her friends; Aileene and Ruby. It was all a farce in the beginning, but she truly considered them her friend.

Though Xi could never face them now, knowing her own horribleness. She had never been a good person, she was selfish and cunning and terrible. She would do anything to get further in life, further and further. Until there was nowhere left for her to go. And now that she had given up, broken her engagement and destroyed her future. What was she meant to do, now that she was no longer living the life her parents had planned for her?

Xi closed her eyes, the cold air bit at her cheek and the vivid memories of her parents angered faces haunt her once again. It had only been a month ago when she had come home, disgracing herself and silently breaking off the engagement with the Capras. She had publicly returned the engagement gift that was given to her and excused herself at a party that her house had thrown. She knew it wasn't fair to Seti, but it wasn't fair for herself. She had pondered on the issue continuously and she couldn't stand herself living a life that constraint her so. She wanted to do as she pleased, she wanted to truly live for once. And that night when her parents had cursed her, beaten her and threaten her. All she felt was a slow numbing that overtook all her senses.

Her beautifully crafted reality was slowly crumbling and it was all by her very own hands. Was there someone so foolish?

And so her parents had tried to control the damage that was caused by her actions, but the engagement was annulled privately and for the first time in her life she felt free. Until another cage presented itself in her path.

Austrion Academy

The Wondrous Noble Academy of dreams. It was the key to every noble child's success and her parents had thought the very same for her. They thought it fixed her, so they demanded her do as they say and return to being the perfect daughter before. Build her connections, look for potential partners and marry for the family's name.

Xi found no hope in the situation and through force was made to attend the academy. Though in hindsight it was the better decision, she was free from her parents for once. She had some semblance of freedom and could do as she pleased for the time being. Even so, she knew it wouldn't last forever, she would have to return and be trapped again. Unless she did something about it, unless—

"In this cold weather, there's still someone willing to sit and admire the snow?"

'Admire what snow? I'm clearly contemplating my existence. Don't butt in.'

"My apologies, I didn't mean to butt in. How inappropriate of me."

Xi finally glance up at the person that would dare sully her alone time and before she could say anything. She was shocked into silence, what was going on? Why of all people—was it Francis, Ruby's brother and the crown prince of Austrion? Did she have some magically charm that attracted royalty or was today just her lucky day. After having her internal moping over with, Xi managed her emotion just enough as to not show her distaste in having to interact with him. Though she didn't act please either, she was merely tolerating his presence. But this wasn't unique to him, she tolerated many peoples' presence. It was kind of her thing.

"You don't have to apologize, I didn't mean it. Now, will you excuse me." She didn't wait for his reply as she got up from her bench. It was midday and so it wasn't as cold as it could have been. Many academy students were milling about, it was lunchtime for them and most was either in the food court or out in the garden. She was out in the garden, and minding her own business, until she was so unfortunately interrupted.

"Ruby was hurt by your avoidance of her." Francis turns to watch her walk away, but after a few of her hurried steps. He stopped her in her track, but she chose not to turn back. It wasn't her place anymore to mind if Ruby was hurt by her. She had hurt so many people already, it was better for her to no longer be in their lives. It was better was her to resolved all her problems alone. After all, she wasn't worth anything if she couldn't even do this little.

"There is nothing I need to say to her or will say to her. It's not my problem and neither is it yours. If Ruby wants to tell me something, she can say it directly to my face." Xi said so confidently and coldly, that for a moment she almost believed herself. She walked away and steeled her heart once again, nothing would change if she wasn't decisive and this was the time for her to be decisive.