𝐍𝐎𝐍-𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒

Will we talk in the morning?

I woke up in the bed where me and him had fallen asleep. A beam of light hit the pillow where his messy hair had been. No trace of Matty.

My brain struggled to meet my memories. I was half awake, I remembered, when I heard him swearing, not many hours before. I haven't opened up my eyes, I haven't seen him leave the room. I heard him whispering "goodbye", but I couldn't tell if I was just confusing dreams with memories, and memories with reality.

I got up, my bare feet touched the cold floor. My shoes were at the end of the bed. I didn't remember taking them off last night. I thought it had to be Matty, as I tied my boots. A memory of his long, slender fingers untying them grazed my mind.

The house was silent and empty. Some dudes were laying on the floor. I tried not to trip over the empty bottles, coming down the stairs.

"The boys had an interview today" Sadie informed me when I finally found my friends. "Ross told me. They left early"

"Breakfast at the cafè?" Alex proposed.

"Take me home" I said.

I locked myself in my flat, changed my clothes, fell into bed, had my dose of internet and ignored the insults for having sex with someone I haven't slept with. I wondered if it was the case to take a break from social media or disable comments under my Instagram posts.

I put my headphones on and opened Spotify. Search. The 1975. Discography. I played it all, all day. I recognized some of the songs they played last summer at Milano Rocks. There was an heavy 80s influence in them, but also something else. Something sad drowned in a dreamy atmosphere. Teenage angst through punk-emo tunes, ambient, synths, plastic guitars, auto-tuned millennial neuroses. Musically, referentially, emotionally, it was an abundance I couldn't handle in my chest.

Something was happening. I could feel it growing in me. I got in the shower. I thought of him under the boiling jet of the water. Hummed his songs. I felt the weight of his lips on mine and my stomach got tight at the memory. Whatever was happening to me, I was a fool for letting it start. I knew the course of these things. When I was alone I was strong. Now I felt weaker legs already.

I wrapped a towel over myself and stepped out of the shower. I took my phone in my hands hoping to see what I wanted. I felt my heart pumping in every part of my body when I saw the message.

trumanblack: can you meet me?