Letters and Murmurs

Chapter Sixty-Nine: Match

Going back that next morning was hard. Jack and I slept together for what was the last time in a while for both of us. I went home and unpacked my bag. I had gotten countless messages from T.K and Carlos. I talked to Lisa on a regular basis and not Alex which I think in some fashion really hurt his feelings. There were just things that I was not ready to tell Alex and that I felt I could trust Lisa with in some fashion.

I laid on my floor with Ryleigh beside me as we stuffed our faces with all kinds of junk food. Ryleigh had heard of my break up from Zack. I figured Zack would be the one to tell Ry if Jack didn't do it himself.. Dad offered to kill Jack but I rolled my eyes. Alex and Jack started to have a pissing match and one of them was going to say something they would regret. It would end in Rian or Zack making them apologize to each other. Rian asked me probably fifty times what happened and I just would simply give him a shrug. I didn't know why Jack had broken up with me other than what he told me.

"Do you think you and Jack will get back together?" Ryleigh asked me while I started at the consolations on my ceiling.

"I don't know. I hope so, but I am not counting on it," I muttered a little sadness in my voice.

My voice just wasn't sad. I was sad. I had gone and saw Justin after I got back. I went into his office and blew up. I took a pillow off a shelf and just held it and cried for a while. It wasn't something I wasn't privileged enough to be able to do during the funeral and viewing nor when Jack broke up with me. I just sat in his office and sob hysterically because in my head I gave so much of myself up for Jack. I thought the world of him and it hurt that the feeling was not reciprocated. Everyone kept telling me though that Jack loved me and I just ignored their words and continued on with the healing process.

"I heard Beck is single again. You know this time you guys could actually grant Kolbs her wish of having a family."

The idea had set in my head honestly but there was this part of both Beckett and me that just knew we were better friends. It was weird with Beckett and I. Beckett and I had a few deep conversations about he finally woke up to his girlfriend hating Kolbi. He said it was really bad he thought she was going to hit Kolbi. I told him I would have hit her if she hit Kolbi. He just laughed and told me to put my mom back in my pocket. Beckett told me he was sorry about Jack and me but he sort of saw it coming in some fashion.

"Yeah... I heard..." I brushed off Ry's comment to continue to listen to music and lay there counting the stars on my ceiling.

"Do you think Zack and I will get married one day?" Ryleigh asked out of the blue while I sat up and laughed.

I knew Zack had bought an engagement ring and wanted to ask her on tour. That was something else I put on my mental to-do list. I needed to speak to dad about the tour. I didn't necessarily want to go on this next tour being the opening act for my ex-boyfriend's band.

"I am serious Lo!" Ryleigh said with a smile evident on her face.

"Dude if you don't think he is going to wife you up. I may with how my disaster of a love life is looking," I giggled before my alarm went off signifying my first appointment for 'couples therapy'.

It was odd to keep this appointment for Jack and I. We both agreed we still wanted to go to the appointments together even if we weren't a couple anymore. Jack said he thought maybe it would help us become better friends. I didn't know because it hurt hearing him say that.

"I gotta go wish me luck," I said a little sarcastically as I stood up.

"Good luck, also remember you love him," Ryleigh said and waved.

She was sticking around to write some songs with dad and get advice from him. Lisa picked me up to take me, as Alex went to pick up Jack. I climbed in and began to feel really sick. I didn't think this was such a good idea anymore. I reclined the passenger seat back and laid down.

"You okay Lo?" Lisa asked while not taking her eyes off the road for a moment.

"I think I am just nervous and scared. You and Alex are going to come to get us right once it is over?" I asked my stupid question as I placed my arm on top of my side and placed one hand on my stomach.

"Of course. We can even pick up some lunch you and me or maybe you and Alex it depends on who wants to go with-"

"I wouldn't mind going to get lunch with Alex. I think it is only fair you deal with me now and then have to deal with Jack. I think then you and Alex can equally bitch about us." I said as Lisa turned on her turn signal.

"We don't complain about either of you. We think what you two are doing is very mature for Jack. Honestly surprised he hasn't backed out. He texted Alex reminding him of the appointment right as I was about to ask him if he was going to pick him up still." Lisa looked for a parking place before just dropping me off at the door.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and climbed out of the car and waved as she drove away. Sitting in the waiting area was Jack and Alex. Alex was on his phone along with Jack. I went and signed in and was handed some paperwork on myself that I needed to fill out. I quickly skimmed the sheet before seeing Justin walking down the hallway he waved at me before I got up and went to hug him.

"Hey Lo, why are you here I don't have you down for an appointment?" Justin asked as he looked at my paperwork.

"Couples therapy, Jack and I sort of officially broke up and we are just looking to have a better understanding of how to be friends. Jack said he would come and we never canceled the appointment but who knows if we will make it the full month," I said as the receptionist called my name and Jack's.

Jack's head popped up as he noticed me. Alex patted Jack's knee before they both stood up. They did their bro hug and Alex came and hugged me tightly. I hugged him back just as tight before grabbing my phone out of my pocket and walking to the receptionist's desk. She smiled at me and took my paperwork.

"I already handed mine in once it was completed," Jack spoke softly and I ignored his voice while I so badly wanted to nod my head.

"Right this way you two," the receptionist took us back to an office that at the moment was empty.

The therapy session was pretty painful. We had to talk about fears or guilt. I laid everything out and I told Jack how I was really hurt because it felt like he had broken every promise. Jack and I ended up having a screaming match before sitting down again and just staring at each other silently. I didn't know why every time I stood up I got dizzy but I felt like I was going to pass out.

"where you want to go?" Alex asked as I climbed into his car.

"I don't care... Actually, Alex, can you call Lisa and can we eat at yours? Anyplace is fine with me." I spoke so softly as Alex just looked at me nodding.

"Sure."

I was in for a whirlwind love story... I didn't know that the wind would bring me you.