of the universe (and things)

heavy/honey dreams/living through death

[do you think about me at night?]
because i think of you every single day,
that you're not with me:
i think of the way you held my hand when i was having a nightmare
(even when you thought
i wouldn't ever know),
or the way you'd wipe my tears away
the moment my eyes
pried open in the morning
(gently and reassuring,
as if i was a rare flower
that needed protecting).

[are you moving on with you life?]
because i'd hate to know,
that you're still dwelling on me.
i'll never really amount to anything
without you here helping me through
- but you -
[i always thought you could do anything]
and that's why i hope
you won't dwell too often
on the thought of me,
with my heart torn and bleeding
(because your hands
might've been the ones
to break the final strings of my heart,
but i was the one who put them there
and forced them apart).

[to live a life without you in it]
is the only life i deserve
(after what i've put you through).
everyday needing constant reassurance
of how much you love me,
everyday needing your voice in my ear
singing silent lullabies of how tomorrow
will be a better day
(i never realized how much i'd miss that - you singin to me -
because now [i just wanna sing with you]
and i can't anymore)

[so tell me, why this has to be, so heavy]
because i just miss your
honey time dreams
(all i'm left with now
is neverending nightmares),
and now that you're not tied to me
(like a string of a tightrope to two poles)
i can't bare living anymore
(but i'll just have to keep telling myself
- over and over again -
that this was meant to be,
i was always meant to be so [heavy]

(i guess this is what it's like
to live through death)