jemina // sirius black

twenty-three

chapter twenty-three  - forgiven

Sirius slept in my bed that night, and every night after that for the rest of our lives. 

I did my best to keep Remus from getting too uncomfortable, but Sirius was overjoyed by the mere idea that I had forgiven him. He was far too happy that we were back together to not try and kiss me in the kitchen when I was cooking, even if Remus was right beside me. 

Remus asked if I had told him about us, and I was honest. I hadn't gotten the chance to, not yet. I tried, a few times, but Sirius always had other plans. 

At that comment, Remus made this face of purely playful disgust and I couldn't help but laugh. 

I knew that I needed to tell him before someone else did.

The night before the Quidditch World Cup, which everyone but Remus and Sirius were going to, I decided to tell him. Telling him and then leaving him and Remus alone would give the two time to work through any problems one had with the other. Or it would give them time to just bond again. I knew they'd been close when we were young, but Sirius was always closer to James, and Remus was always closer to me. 

It would definitely ensure that I wasn't there to see whatever happened.

So, after dinner and after I read Lilian a story - all the girls still enjoyed being read to here and there - I went to my room. I knew Sirius would already be in bed, and I knew that I would have to be firm about needing to talk. 

I would have to be extremely stern because he was very good at making me forget what I wanted to talk to him about. 

"Lilian in bed?"

"Sound asleep," I smiled as I closed the door behind me. I forced myself to breathe. This was far more nerve-wracking than I had anticipated. Sirius could hate Remus, he could get angry with me, consider it an affair. I was thinking of all the ways that it could go wrong, and I knew the anxiety was showing on my face. I tried to push it down, "Can we talk?"

"Do we have to?"

"Yes," I made my way to the bed and crawled in. I sat facing Sirius, who was laying on his side, my legs crossed under me. He placed a gentle hand on my thigh, and I had to fight the fire that engulfed my senses. I scowled, "No seduction. We really do have to talk."

"It's not bad, is it?"

"Depends on what you consider bad."

"Are you making me sleep with Buckbeak?"

"No?"

"Then what could possibly be so important?"

"Remus and I dated."

"Huh?" Sirius pulled his hand back and frowned. This look of confusion passed over his face before he furrowed his eyebrows and smiled. I knew that my face took on that look of confusion, why was he smiling? Why was he smiling as if I had just told him a joke? "For how long?"

"We were together for almost five years, but we only technically dated for two."

"Okay."

"You don't seem surprised."

"I mean, I'm not," Sirius snorted as he sat up. He mirrored my own sitting position and took my hands into his own. My eyebrows furrowed when he smiled, "I had hoped that, out of everyone, if you were to try to move on, it would with Remus. I honestly am surprised the two of you didn't get married. Besides, I knew he wouldn't hurt you, not as I did."

"You were wrong."

"Hm?"

"He did hurt me," I said quietly. This was the part that I dreaded. I knew that if Sirius wasn't angry about the fact that Remus and I were together, he surely would be angry about how we ended. I also just didn't want to talk about Hope, "In Aubrey's first year, around Christmas, I found out that I was pregnant."