Rud and the Damsel

Chapter 12 - Patience Leaving

An easy day almost always included everyone taking a bath. Without a tub for bathing, the best place to bathe was in the deep pool. Before Patience and the boy came to the valley, Rud would strip off his clothes, bathe and wash his clothes in the deep pool all at the same time. Now bathing was an organized affair, with each one having the deep pool to themselves at different times.

Patience always went first with Rud and the boy staying in the cabin while she bathed. Respect for her privacy was never in question. Once she returned to the cabin, the boy would usually go next, followed by Rud. They joked Rud was the dirtiest, so he needed to go last. Patience often set one of the chairs outside the cabin door and gave her brother and Rud a haircut when they returned from bathing.

Knowing Patience was waiting to cut his hair Rud would not put his shirt on after his bath. Patience did not seem to mind. While she cut his hair, her hands often rested on his bare shoulders or the back of his neck. When Patience needed him to move, she would push or pull until she had him where she wanted. Sometimes Patience would stop, lean against his back, and put her hands on his shoulders or chest as she talked.

She would often twirl a few strands of his hair around her finger or sweep the hair on the side of his head behind his ears. As she cut, she would talk about ordinary things, like what she needed to get done in the next few days or how Rud would look much better if he would let her cut his hair short.

Rud would close his eyes and be lost in the sensations from Patience's touch on his bare skin, the sound of her voice, and the tingling of his scalp as she ran the comb across the top of his head. Rud had cut his hair many times, but when Patience cut his hair, it was a whole other experience. 

When an easy day was over, it was back to work. Wood needed to be chopped, animals needed tending, hunting, crops, tools, trade goods, cleaning, cooking, and maintaining all needed to be done. An easy day seemed to refresh everyone and made their daily tasks less tedious, at least for a day or two.

Rud very much wanted Patience and the boy to stay in the valley with him. Rud felt what it was like to be part of a family again but feared Patience would tire of this life and leave.

It wasn't that he would be alone. He had been alone before. It was he would be alone without Patience. Rud knew she would not choose a poor woodsman over a life of plenty. What did he have to offer her that could compare to the life she had before?

When his thoughts went to this dark place, the walls he had built in his mind and heart came up again. It was the coping mechanism he had developed to survive after the villagers had abandoned him and his sister and parents were killed.    

Deep down, Rud knew a future with Patience was only a dream. She would inevitably leave him for a better life and a better man. Rud did not often feel sorry for himself, but Patience with "a better man" made him sad just thinking about it. He wanted to have hope. Sometimes he thought there might be hope, but in his heart and mind, he knew there was none. She would eventually leave.

Rud, Patience, and the boy were all up on the hill behind the cabin, working on their hideout, when the question of her leaving came up. Patience asked if Rud thought they would ever be able to leave the valley. She had an uncle that lived not far upriver she thought might take them in. Rud, fearing her answer, asked if she wanted to leave. Patience said no, and looked over at the boy.

Thinking there was more she wanted to say, Rud asked the boy to find more straw to mix with the sand and clay he used as mortar. Once the boy had left, Patience explained, "He hasn't said a word since we got here, and I am worried about him. It's been two months. Maybe my uncle could get him a doctor."  

Rud felt terrible that he had not noticed the boy wasn't talking. Rud did not talk much and thought the boy was the same. The boy seemed alright, even happy with life in the valley. Rud, knowing it would sound selfish, asked again if she wanted to leave. "No, NO," she replied and grabbed his arm to emphasize the second "no." Patience continued, "I've come to love my home here in our valley, but I think he may need help."

Patience could see the sadness in Rud's eyes, and seeing his sadness pulled at her heart. She hated being the cause. Patience held her grip on Rud's arm until the boy returned. Rud did not look at her. He said, "Okay," as he turned and resumed constructing the shelter.

He had to admit his affections for Patience had grown. Something was missing in his life, and now he knew what it was. She couldn't leave now. But he could not keep her here if she wanted to go. If the boy needed help, Rud could not stand in the way. The sadness deepened within him.

A few hours later, it was time to head back down. Rud had been silent since their conversation earlier, and Patience knew her potentially leaving was weighing heavily on Rud's mind. Patience walked by Rud's side with the boy carrying a few tools ahead of them. Every time she looked at Rud, the sadness was still there. The second time their hands brushed, Rud wrapped his fingers around Patience's hand. It was not something he had planned. It was more desperation than anything else.

Rud expected her to pull away, but Patience responded by lacing her fingers through his. She squeezed his hand and looked at him with a smile and brightness in her eyes Rud had not seen before. Rud knew he had to say something and nervously said, "I don't want you to leave."

She grabbed his arm with her other hand and leaned against him as they walked. Patience was now sure in her mind what her heart had been telling her was true. They walked holding hands the rest of the way home. Rud wanted desperately to believe she felt the same way he did, but his worst fears were coming true, she would be leaving.