For You [p.d]

18

1 week later

Elise pov

The week went by quickly and I was able to help a lot of the local citizens get their farms back together and clean up the streets, it felt good to go back home and help because when I was growing up I felt like I was never able to. 

I was currently sitting in the Garden, raking up some leaves, it was a beautiful day, not a ship in sight and peaceful. The silence is stopped when I saw my mother walking towards me, heels clicking rapidly on the brick path. "Mom, what's the hurry." at first I'm scared, but then a notice a bright smile on her features. 

"the Resistance just took down a Dreadnought!" She runs up and hugs me with joy. And I'm in disbelief, "Wait really? Tell me what you know." I say, putting down my tools and following her back into the castle. 

"I don't know what they were originally trying to do, but apparently the Commander didn't listen and it worked out well for them. However, I don't know the numbers but I think they faced heavy losses." Of course Poe would do that, he's too self absorbed to realize what his actions would cause to others. 

"Do you know the Commander's name?" I ask and she nods, "Poe Dameron, a name we both are all too familiar with." At this point we are sitting in our library, with me pacing in front of my mom. "How so?" I ask cluelessly, hoping she forgets the name from Kijimi. 

"I knew his mother and father very well. They are the Shara and Kes from the story I told you about your father. And based on his rash decisions, he sounds a lot like his father. He's about 5 years older than you if I remember right, he was a sweet little boy when we left Yavin." I wish he stayed like that is what I said to myself, but I didn't want to be interrogated by my mother. 

"Did you know him?" She asks me, and thank kriff my lying has always been spot on. "I knew him slightly from Jess, but I mainly stayed away from him because he was an asshole." I wish that was the truth, but I would have to go back in time 4 years to change that. "Okay girl talk, there had to be at least one hot guy there that stood out to you." my mother says, surprising me.

"Mother! No, and anyway I am a dedicated Jedi and we don't form attachments." She rolls her eyes and laughs. "That the biggest lie I've ever heard, you do not care about the stupid Jedi code. You barely care about being a Jedi." she wasn't lying, I didn't care that much, but the Jedi mind tricks are cool. 

"No mother, there were no boys. Don't worry I am still you perfect angel." she laughed a little too hard at that one. "Oh sweetie I love you, and you are perfect. But you're no angel, I will never forget the little stunts you would pull on missions." I was having a really good time with my mom, I can't think of a time where we had a fun conversation like this. 

"Hey, I'm still alive and I always did what I was supposed to." I laugh, giving her a playful dirty look. "Yep and more, remember that boy you freed on Kijimi. I bet you he was cute, what was his name again?" Shit, I really wish I was able to disappear, or maybe freeze time. She won't let me live my short love at the Resistance. Ever. 

"I not sure, it was a long time ago." I say and she nudges me, "C'mon, you spent the entire night together, you are basically soulmates." and I shake my head and my guardian force ghost really helped me because before I could answer a guard walked into the library. "Sorry to interrupt, but there is a call from Leia. She would like to talk to both of you." 

I run with my mother up the stairs, which I don't understand how she does so well in heels, excited to see Leia again, but also nervous. When we get to her office my mom sits down in her chair and I stand behind her as she answers the hologram, projecting Leia's face and her surroundings in front of us. "Leia how nice it is to hear from you, congratulations on taking down the Dreadnought, that's incredible." My mom says, obviously glad to see her old friend, but I can't focus on her when I see Poe behind her, distressed with Beebee at his side. 

"It sure is, too bad we lost so many heroes. I am sure you're wondering why I am calling, I know Mave was a big part of making ships for the Resistance, including this one. Is there a way to block tracking through light speed." Leia seems as if she is in a hurry, and so do the people running around her. I watch Poe run up to her, interrupting as usual. "General should we fire back?" he says as if I am not right in front of him. 

"No, it is no use, help put up the shields." Leia dismisses him and listens to what my mom has to say. "I am sorry, no, not on that ship. I know something similar happened to the Rouge One , but I know that the tracker is coming from inside only one of their ships, Snoke's." What she says gets Poe's attention, looking intrigued at what my mother said. 

"Okay, thank you Kayleigh, and glad to see you're safe Elise." Leia says, rushed. "Thank you general, please stay safe too, we need you." with that we ended the call and my mother looked shaken up. 

"Mom are you okay?" I ask and she nods, "I am scared for Leia, I don't want to loose another friend. I already lost Shara and Han, I can't lose her." She sits down at zones out at the desk in front of her, where Leia was just standing. "Mother, you know Leia will be a lot harder to get rid of than that." she laughs and nods, Leia has truly been through everything. 

"Was that Poe who asked to fire back?" She asked and I nod, not saying anything because I don't know what to say. "He looks just like his mother, it's crazy, I wonder how Leia feels about it." I nod, really not wanting to talk about Poe. I notice it is dark now and I am trying to find any excuse to sit by myself. "Hey mom, I am going to bed, don't worry yourself all night okay?" She nods and kisses my head before I make my way to my room.

As I sit in my comfortable bed, safe from the war that is happening right now I can't help but feel guilt washing over me. I left all of my closest friends who are fighting for their lives so that I could do what down here? I can't stop thinking about what Poe said to me, about how I am a traitor, and honestly I am starting to believe him and his cruel words. After hearing about the losses they had during the take down of the Dreadnought I can't help but wonder if Jess died, or Tallie, or even Paige. All of my closest friends, besides Connix, were pilots of some kind and it hurts to know any one of them could be hurting. 

I don't sleep at all, not a blink, I stay up and let the guilt eat me away, afraid to fall asleep because I know when I wake up I will be updated on what is happening to the Resistance. I am truly afraid. I am fearful for my friends. I am angry at myself. I am all the things that a true Jedi shouldn't be.