We laid in the hotel bed relaxing after the show. I felt bad. I was being quiet and distant. I didn't mean to be. I was just thinking a lot. There was a lot going through my mind. Everything kind of hit me at once.
Harry could tell I wasn't acting like my normal self. He made sure I was okay but didn't push anything and let me be, which he was sweet for.
He held me close and ran his fingers softly over my skin in comfort. He was being there for me exactly the way I needed.
Maybe I am overthinking but so much happened at once and I think it is all finally hitting me. There was a lot I didn't know. Things were starting to become more real.
I was missing my family and friends more and more. Especially now since just seeing them again. Emma and Charli make everything more fun, I wish they could have stayed longer.
Being with them made me miss my normal life. Seeing them again reminded me of what my life was like before I met Harry.
And not that I'm not having the time of my life and I don't love Harry. I do, a lot. More than I've ever loved anyone. It's scary.
Things are changing.
His fans and the media were starting to follow me and know that we are dating.
I'm fine with that.
I think.
It's just weird that there are so many eyes on me now. So many people were saying things. Good and bad. I was gaining so many followers and it's a little scary. I still didn't understand how all this worked.
I have to go back to college soon. I don't know if Harry even knows that.
I'm not ready to go back. I want to stay with him on tour.
I'm going to be in class and studying and Harry is going to be on stages around the world. I'm not going to get to see him very much.
I'm not ready for that.
How am I supposed to tell him that?
We live completely different lives. Maybe this was all a mistake.
Part of me wishes I could go back and change everything.
Not meet Harry.
Not fall in love with him. It would make things a lot easier.
I don't want to think what I am thinking. These thoughts aren't true.
I am happy.
I've never been so happy.
Why are all these thoughts going through my head?
Harry makes me so happy.
The happiest I've ever been. I've never been so in love.
It's scary.
Everything is so unknown to me about our relationship and this whole lifestyle.
What will things be like after the tour?
Would we even last after classes started again?
If we do, what will I do?
Should I stay in school?
Take a year off?
Move with Harry and find some other career?
But what if things don't work between us?
What if he doesn't want things to work out?
............
This part of the story Rowan starts to get a lot of hate. And trust me I get it like come on it's Harry. But you have to try and see it from her pov, she was just a regular girl living a regular life and then suddenly she's on tour with Harry Styles and in love with him. Like come on, none of us would be ok. Everything happened so fast and there is a lot for her to process/think about. Other things to keep in mind she was in the worst relationship before this, lied to and manipulated. Is Harry like that, absolutely not but she is trying to figure it all out. She's never been treated like this or had these feelings. So just give her a bit.
Also without the drama the story would be nothing.
Enjoy the rest of the book and don't get too mad at me lol
I love y'all
