Balancing Love ☞︎ A Jesse St. James fan fic

It Seems I Wanted Him Even When I Dont Want Him!

Jesse and I stare at each other. I've remained on the floor after I fell. Jesse remained in the doorway. Neither of us talked to each other.

After awhile, Jesse shuffled his foot along the floor, suffocated by the tense atmosphere.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Jesse asked, pointing outside where it was starting to get dark. I merely peered outside. Just to look at it. That was it.

Without answering him, I speed walk into the locker room. When the door closes, I slam myself up against the door. My heart was hammering in my chest and my mind felt all fuzzy. If I was able to answer him about anything, it would've taken a miracle. My breathing was erratic from holding it for so long. I froze! I froze... in front of Jesse... after three months and a few weeks without seeing him...

God, I really am pathetic. I had meant nothing to him while I was acting like this just because he showed up! But why was he here? Well, I guess I would have to walk with him to find that out. What if he actually did like me? Or... What if he just needed time to make Rachel jealous again? My face dropped at that thought.

Shaking my head, I removed myself from the door and made my way over to my locker in the girls section of the room. I barley changed but rather put on some sweats and a sweatshirt. I stood in front of the door that entered the studio. I had to remember to control my breathing. Just like with dance! I had to remain calm and passive to whatever he said. It was the only way I could get through this without spiraling and starting my moping all over again. I could not do that.

When I exited the locker room, I entered the room to see I was empty. I was heavily confused. Did I hit my head when I fell? Was Jesse ever really here? Crap, was I experiencing some Bella Swan in New Moon stuff where she would randomly see Edward? Have I really fallen that deep into the pit of the pathetic and weak??

Was I officially going insane?

Just to make sure, I peek my head outside the studio and sure enough (much to my freakin relief! But not for the reasons you're thinking! Just reassured I haven't had a break yet...) Jesse was walking away, only a little bit down the hall.

"You leaving?" I finally manage to speak. To his back. Jesse immediately stops. He turns around and faces me, a hurt and confused expression on his face. "You did want to walk, didn't you?" I ask. I watch as Jesse stuffs his hands in his pockets before he makes his way back over to the studio door. I fully walk out and lock the door behind me. I can get my stuff later.

"She speaks," Jesse says, trying to tease me and make a little joke. He laughs a little but I don't join him. An action that stops his own laughter. We stand there, not walking in any direction as of yet. "So, uh, what way do you want to walk? You know this campus a lot better then I do." Jesse says.

I scoff and walk a little to the left, shaking my head in the process. Jesse walks behind me a bit and sighs as he realizes that wasn't the best thing to say at the moment.

We start walking through campus and the atmosphere is entirely suffocating. I don't really have much to say. He was the one who came here and he was the one who asked to go for a walk! He should be the one who has to talk first.

The crickets chirp, the air wisps around us. I stuff my hands into my sweatshirt, becoming even more withdrawn from this whole situation.

I quickly try and get a few glances at Jesse, wondering what he was doing or thinking. I hadn't seen in for... awhile. Yet somehow he looked different but the same at the same time. He looked more put together. He wore his own sweatshirt that he was buried in. He kept glancing around the campus as if it had changed since he left. Nothing had changed.