Season 3: Episode 18

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| November 18th | Sunday Morning |

~ Sam's POV ~

Oh, God, my head... It was throbbing like I had been hit with a baseball bat. And the nausea... It took me everything I had to open my eyes as the morning light crept in through the hotel room curtains. Sweat clung to me as I came to the realization that I was still in my wrinkled button down and slacks from last night. I smelled like straight whiskey. God... what the hell-

That's when my hand reached inside my pocket for my phone but felt something I hadn't expected. I hesitantly pulled out the ring I had given Megan months ago. The sight of it sent me spiraling.

"Yeah." Blair emerged from the bathroom. "You messed up bad last night."

Much of last night was a blur. It was like bits and pieces were there, laid out in front of me like a disassembled puzzle waiting to be put back together. I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees and held my head in my hands, trying to remember what had happened. The only things that were severely burned into my brain was the exchange between me and my mom and... ending my engagement.

"Oh God..." I groaned as I stared down at the floor. "What did I do?"

"Are you asking because you genuinely don't remember?" Blair wondered while laying on her bed. "Or are you asking because you can't believe it?"

"I just..." I sighed. "I remember certain things... but I didn't mean for that to happen."

"Are you sure about that?"

I looked up, confused as to why my best friend would say that. She looked pretty fed up with me. The same look Megan had on her face last night. The burn of isolation surrounded me. I had really done it, hadn't I? I had successfully pushed away every single important person in my life.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"You knew what you were doing, Sam." Blair moved into a sitting position. "You knew drinking was a bad idea. You knew entertaining your mom last night was a bad idea. You knew it and yet, you still couldn't stop yourself from pushing everyone away. You literally couldn't stop sabotaging everything. You just... wouldn't stop."

I couldn't even look at her, because I knew deep down, she was right. I knew I shouldn't have done what I did. I shouldn't have drank last night. I shouldn't have started anything at the reception. I shouldn't have pushed Megan away. I shouldn't have said those things to her...

"I sent Tony to join everyone having breakfast downstairs." Blair sighed as she checked her phone. "And I ordered room service so we can talk about what the hell you're gonna do to fix this, because you will fix this, Sam."

"I don't think I can fix this," I mumbled to myself. "There's too much damage this time."

"No." Blair sat at the edge of the bed. "No, you're not giving up."

I felt the tears struggle to manifest on my waterline as I watched them fall to the floor and soak into the hotel room's carpet. There was too much damage. Megan would never forgive me. Shawn wouldn't forgive me. My parents were never going to understand... There was too much damage. I was too damaged.

Then there was a knock on the door. Blair stood from the bed to answer it, knowing it was probably room service. I realized I wasn't hungry.

"Shawn," Blair stated. "Now isn't the time-"

"She's my sister," I heard him say. "And we need to talk. Alone."

I couldn't look up. The embarrassment and the shame made my skin burn. He was probably here to tell me Megan was leaving and that he and Casey no longer wanted me to join in on the Thanksgiving celebration this Thursday. He was probably about to tell me that he no longer wanted to be a part of my life anymore...

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