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I glanced to the side, eyeing the bench I sat on the day she died.

I cleared my throat, my hair rustling in the wind as the train zoomed past. My fingers tightened on my luggage handle and I awaited the slowing of the train.

September.

It felt like ages the night Sirius walked back to the train station. Everyday felt like it went on for hours and I can't believe I stayed in my bed when I said I would live my life to the fullest.

I had to wait.

Sighing, I gazed upon the students and parents. They didn't know this area replicated a prison in my mind. They didn't know the curse I dragged in the moment I came back from St. Mungo's.

This train station has so many bad omens and none of them have a clue.

Looking at the side, the pillar marked with a 9 caught my attention. Under it, the girl I dreaded seeing once the school starts, stood.

Her platinum hair was pulled into a low ponytail and the sparkles from her eyes were gone. Her undereyes darkened and the fair skin even paler than the last time I saw her.

She was quiet and kept to herself. She noticed me looking and her icy eyes bored a dead look into mine. Furrowing my brows, I lowered my eyes to avoid the lifeless gaze of Pandora.

The train came to a stop.

Quickly, I made my way through the families. Lugging me and my items onto the train, I began busying myself with finding an empty compartment.

Here we go again.

Sixth year begins.

It's all normal again. Only difference, is me. I have to fess up and atone. I have to tell the truth to the others and face the reality. I'm going to die. And they deserve to see me and know this before then.

So I sit, silently. I know exactly what's going to happen. It's happened five times already. I await Peter and Remus to come aboard, greet them, wait once more. Sirius and James arrive late. I greet them, and wait till I catch a glimpse of Lily.

They are probably waiting to see my face again.

But when they do, I won't be the same person.

The compartment door slid open, revealing Wormtail. He smiled at me, absolutely oblivious. I faked my smile back, waving my hand to indicate I noticed his greeting.

"Doing okay, Fawkes? Last time we saw you, a bit depressing, innit?" he joked.

"Haha, yeah," I responded half heartedly.

He rose an eyebrow, settling himself. He cleared his throat, running a hand through his hair. It's always a little awkward when it's just me and Peter together. But we still care a lot about each other. We can't communicate well though.

"I saw Moony talking to Lily earlier. Maybe about prefect business. He'll be here soon," he said, trying to fill the air.

"That's good," I replied.

I cringed at myself. I'm just so nervous to talk to them about what's actually been happening. I don't know how it came to this point. I don't know why I thought I couldn't come to them about anything.

"Mhm."

I inwardly slapped my forehead. Why am I acting so strange? Did I think I would feel judged? Maybe about the Rosanna thing.. But they're my best friends. They would never judge me too harshly.

But what if they did? What if they saw me as this horrible person? What if they didn't want to be friends with me anymore?

The compartment door made a noise as it was opened again. Broken from my thoughts, I peered at the doorway.

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