My Blue | DISCONTINUED

{Chapter 10}

Everett's POV-
I drove down the smooth roads with itchy, hot eyes. I tried to block out most of it until  I at least reached my neighborhood, but the events and everything I said rammed into my head and stayed there like a movie on repeat.

What was wrong with me?

I tried to tell myself that I did the right thing, it was reasonable and necessary. She shouldn't have been talking to me in the first place. Everything I touch, associate with, especially anybody as delicate as my blue, they get hurt and they regret it soon enough.

But she's not mine, no, I can't do that. Don't think like that.

I parked abruptly in front of my house. The dark, lonely, apartment I've resisted calling home. Whatever home is. I wouldn't know, not in the slightest.

I tipped my head back, to keep the tears at bay. It was harder this time, telling somebody to stay away. It was harder with Indigo.

I know it's for the best, it has to be. Because if I let myself think for even a second that I had just destroyed any chance I had with her for nothing, I couldn't live with myself.

He would find out, I know he would. It spikes my anxiety like nothing else. Any minute he could drop by, and she would be unexpecting. Not knowing that he was there for the simple fact that she was with me. It was a risk.

I didn't want to put her in a risk.

I look back to why I got so infuriated tonight. For obvious reasons, that guy was being an asshole. But really, I realized how easy that could happen and maybe even because of me. Because I had a father, he was all evil, and  I couldn't be there. One time, all it took.

Part of me wants to ignore the danger, because being with Indigo gave me a thrill and a reason to be good and happy. I wanted to hold her in my arms, carefree. No little voice in my head calling quietly, " he's watching. Get away before it's too late."

She deserves everything. A strong, safe relationship. Something I want to give to her with my whole being. Truly.

But something, or rather someone, is holding me back with thick invisible ropes.

And anyway, I've already ruined it.
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I opened my eyes slowly. I didn't want to face the world already. Not yet, and not today.

I don't really remember the time in between sitting in my car, and falling asleep last night. In was a blur that probably consisted of me dragging my feet inside and collapsing on the mattress. I know I fell asleep as soon as by back hit the bed.

I turned over ready to spend the day here, it was Saturday anyway, and I couldn't find it in myself to get ready. The thoughts would flood in way too fast.

When I turned over, I was met with a face.

I jumped back and hit my head on the wooden backboard in the process. I soon came to realize that it was only my best friend, Madden.

"Dude, you gotta man up. I guess you don't want me to tell Indigo about that girlish scream you just let out, huh?" We're his first words.

I was still looking at him like a mad man. Could I file for breaking and entering?

"What the fuck are you doing here at 11 am, M?" I asked incredulously. "And I didn't let out a scream, dummy."

He raised an eyebrow. "Hm, you must still be a little groggy then. Cause I damn sure heard it. Anyway I had to come bright and early to talk about yesterday."

"No."

"You have to, or I'll punch you," he slit his eyes "really hard..." he said in a semi-intimidating manner.

"I'll beat the shit out of you." Oh how wonderful to have a best bud, yeah?

"Come on, E! We share everything, and I know you were practically fuming fucking smoke when you walked out." He pointed at me.

I sat up and tipped back my head. I remembered again. Great. I looked over to him.

"That guy was a weirdo, of course I was mad." I said.

He rolled his eyes. "My GPA is low and all, but I can read people. There's more than that. You can not tell me you and Indigo, who I really need to meet by the way, went on y'alls merry way, happy as ever last night."

"I'm going to hurt her, M" I sighed.

"And you know that before you even started or gave anything a chance?" He asked.

"Yes! He's going to find out, and on top of that she'll know everything about me. The weight of it all will scare her away. I'm saving her, and quite selfishly myself, from heartbreak."

He punched my shoulder harder than most of the street guys do. I began to rub the forming bruise.

"What the hell! Why are you worrying about Him? He's gone, you need to do what feels right in your heart, ignore your dumb ass head." He said.

"He always comes back, M!" I shouted.

"Then you'll deal with it like you always do. You're able to protect yourself now, that means you can protect her too. Trust yourself."

He was talking about the street fighting. He was right, I had grown stronger than I was a couple years back.

"But it's useless if I can't be there all the time with her. I can't do that to her, put her at risk." I said.

"It's been a long time. He won't go onto that territory, if he even does show." He shook his head.
"What about the fighting? She'll hate my guts, it goes against everything she stands for. I'll just be bad in her eyes. Let's just accept that it won't end well for me, okay?" I ended.

He punched me hard as hell again.

"Yes it does! You deserve her more than anybody else. You don't have to tell her right away, you can wait, but eventually be honest about it all. Something tells me she won't care about the fighting at all. The way you describe it, she's totally all for you." He laughed.

"You can't live your life letting things hold you back from what really matters, E. Go for her, let her see inside the Everett Kinley. Maybe she'll adore it, bad parts and all. Things that happen later, happen later. This is now, and I think now you're head over heels." He told me.

He was right. Ugh, he was right.

"But I've ruined it already, everything I told her last night before she got out of my car. I told her to stay away, Christ!" I rubbed my temples in frustration.

"Go try. Something tells me she'll forgive you. But you are a dumbass, I'll tell you." He got off the bed.

I got dressed as quick as I could. I hopped in my car, and stopped to think about what I could possibly say to make this better.

Things that happen later, happen later. I liked the thought of  that.

But what had to happen now was I had to go. I had to go tell her that I didn't mean it at all.

That she was everything that mattered inside my bubble.
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