What is Home

Chapter Four

Group was one of my least favorite activities to attend. I didn't want to talk about my feelings with a bunch of people who didn't care if I was alive or not, besides Pierce of course. Most of the time both Pierce and I would make faces at each other in a battle to see who would get in trouble first. So I was shell-shocked when I found out shocking news about Pierce in group.

"Today I would like to announce that one of our very own has got a family and will be leaving us in just a few days." I looked around at the room full of people wishing that it was Myra. "That person will be Pierce."

My brain couldn't even process the words that had just hit my brain. It took me a few seconds before I could even have a reaction. My eyes darted to Pierce as soon as the idea fully settled in. Both anger and pain filled my body and he could tell that I was hurting. It read all over his face.

"Can I please be excused?" I said staring at Pierce trying to hold back the pain. The group counselor tried to get me to stay but there was no way that I was staying in that room with any of those people. "I do not feel good I would like to leave." I gritted through my teeth.

I was excused and I ran out of the room. As soon as I entered the hall way I dropped to my knees as tears fell down my cheeks. I wasn't a crier. Being raised how I was made me that way. I had never felt more betrayed in my life. Not even being abused by my parents made me feel this way. 

A hand touched my shoulder and I knew right away that it was Pierce. I wanted so badly to rip my shoulder away but I didn't have it in me. His arms pulled me into him and I just cried letting all my feelings out.

"How could you not tell me?" I said with anger in my voice.

"I wasn't- "

"I don't want to hear excuses. I don't ever hide shit from you and here you are hiding all this shit from me you're just going to leave me here. Leave me with people who hate me." I could feel my heart sinking into my stomach.

His hands made their way to my cheeks. They directed me to look Pierce in the eyes. "You know I would never leave you if I had a choice Baker. That's just not an option for ether of us. I also deserve the chance to live a normal life with a family."

"So do I!" I tried to push Pierce away but he didn't let me. I didn't want to look at him. If he was leaving me I wanted him gone. Spare me the pain.

"You will get a family one day Charlee. Someone will see you how I do and want you in their forever family. I promise you it will happen."

"Let me go. I don't want to see you ever again." I was fighting to get away from him. Pierce pulled my face close to his in all of the fight. I felt my breath hitch at how close our faces were. I don't like Pierce more than friends, I kept telling myself. He was leaving and there was no point in ever catching feelings for someone who you knew would leave like everyone else.

He pushed his lips into mine for a few seconds. "I'm sorry Charlee." His eyes were filled with so much sadness. It killed me to see him in pain but he was the one leaving me. I was hurting more than he was. None of my thoughts were rational at the moment. I pushed Pierce away from me with one final good push. I ran off to my room leaving Pierce in the hallway alone.

When I got to my room I slammed the door. My body collapsed onto my bed before covering my entire body with my blanket. I wanted to hide away forever. But I also wanted to feel this absolutely breathtaking boy's lips on mine again. For my own mental health, I knew the right thing to do was to forget what he did. My mind needed to forget the feeling of his soft berry colored lips pressed to mine. The thoughts of his hands wrapped around me, entangled with mine, tracing the scars left by my parents, running along my bare skin finding every dip in my skin from a broken bone— needed to escape me.

If I could have locked myself in my room I would have. There were rules that had to be followed though. I followed them to their bare minimum. Showing up for our required activities was all I did. I never once participated in any of them. My presence was all that was required so that is all they got. I had no reason to help people who were never willing to help me.

Being alone in a building full of kids who didn't care about me, broke me. It's bad when you would rather be at home being abused by your parents because at least you have your siblings who love and care about you. My issues in the group home after Pierce left caused many of private therapy sessions and hospital visits. I had no will to live or care for a life where I had nothing.

The private therapy sessions were an hour of the therapist trying to get me to talk with no response given. My eyes focused on the person talking but my ears weren't hearing a word they said to me. The hospital visits were from not eating. I was sick in every form of the word. There was only one person I needed to be saved and they were never going to come back.

On day 97 without Pierce there was a knock on my bedroom door. I ignored the knock and any calls from outside the door for it to be opened. After a few attempts at getting my attention without breaking and entering the person on the other side of the door gave up and entered on their own accord.

"Charlee we need to speak with you in private please." I looked around at my room that was empty. Even the devil that was Myra had gotten chosen by a family. Someone wanted her and still no one wanted me. I was truly given the worst stick in life someone could be given.

"Pretty sure were private." I pointed to the empty bed on the other side of the room. "Whatever you want to say can be said here."

"Alright." The woman standing in front of my bed let out a big sigh. She knew there was no reason to put up a fight with me anymore. She had tried for the first month after Pierce left and stopped when she knew my stubbornness was never going to change. "We think it's best we place with you a foster family. This environment isn't suiting your needs anymore. You aren't excelling like you once were. It was a unanimous decision that we start looking for a family who was willing to take you. We found one and I need you to pack your things because we will be taking you there in an hour to go live with them."

Like a robot, I didn't have any emotion to the news I was given. I got out of bed and followed her orders. I grabbed the backpack I came into the group home with and filled it with all my belongings. Within fifteen minutes I was ready to leave. It's sad when your entire life, sixteen years, can be packed up into one bag. It's like your entire life is worth nothing.

Within the hour I got into my social worker's car and was taken to a house. When I arrived my eyes widened. I had never seen a house so big. Even with all the rich kids I tutored in school. I had never had someone whose house was as massive as this one.

As much as I wanted to describe how I was feeling as uncomfortable, it wasn't that. The best way to put it was that I was overwhelmed. I was afraid of what these parents, this family, would think of this girl who was broken beyond repair.

I walked to the door with the social worker and was practically just left on the doorstep of this random house. The door opened and the social worker walked away almost that instant. Before walking away, she handed me a note that read my name and a bag with an object in it. I couldn't tell what it was but I took it. The system was really messed up if you ask me. The child's feelings are never in anyone's best interest even if they try and make it look that way.