What is Home

Chapter Fifty-Seven

I woke up the next morning in Grayson's arms on the floor in the living room of Harlow's house, not remembering what happened after shoving my tongue down Pierce's throat. The entire night was a black out and a blur. Reece filled me in on the fact that Ally tried to kill me with a glass bottle as he drove me home.

I looked out the window staring at the houses and trees passing by, feeling almost at peace with everything. I got what I had wanted since finding out that my Pierce was here. I got to be with the boy I love, in front of our school, even if it were just a few seconds. I got what was mine.

Music played quietly through the radio as I rested my head against the passenger window, humming quietly along. I disengaged myself from the world for a night. I created a catastrophe, but still somehow, felt more at peace that I ever had, despite my destruction. I ruined everyone around me with just one word or just one touch, but it didn't matter anymore because I felt okay.

"Last night was," Reece spoke, breaking me from my serenity, "a mess."

"A beautiful, beautiful mess Reece." I looked over at him with a smile. "I got to kiss my Pierce in front of the whole school. I got to claim him for just those few minutes and I couldn't feel any better to not be in some closet anymore."

"I'm glad you're happy with the mess you made with my friend's Charlee." He sighed twisting the steering wheel between his fist.

"I'm not happy with any mess Reece. I am just happy to be alive. Happy to be here with you. Happy to have a family. Happy to have a best friend who I love with my whole heart. Happy to have Grayson to hear me out when I need a listening ear, to make me smile when I need to smile." I looked back out the window taking in the shining sun. "I make disasters but I always try and fix them. That's why I didn't end up in bed with Pierce. He needs to be with Ally right now. When I sat in that locker room with him, staring at this boy who was broken, a boy calling for someone who wasn't me, it hurt. That's when I knew that no matter how hard I pull, how much I love him right now, he needs her. He can tell me he loves me, he wants me. He can tell me until he is blue in the face that he doesn't want her. But I know in my heart that right now he needs her more than he needs me. I will always be in the closet waiting for him until the time is right. The time is just not right. And Ally needs Pierce right now. By the time Monday hits, they will be back to being the Ally and Pierce everyone knows and loves. I know it in my heart."

"If that's how you feel Charlee." A sigh left Reece's mouth letting me know he didn't want to talk anymore about the exhausting night.

As Monday rolled around I was right. Pierce had his arm wrapped around Ally as they walked in through the front doors of the school. A bright white smile hiding all the pain I had put her through. Pain that she put me through every day. That was one thing Ally and I had in common. We held our heads up like we felt no pain, when deep down instead we were crumbling, falling apart, rushing to pick up the broken pieces flying in every direction.

Forward and up. That is how I had to look until it was Christmas break. My only focus needed to be on school. I didn't need distractions from boys or friends. I needed to focus on passing midterms and staying at the top of my class. My brain had been faltering, making bad decisions. I needed to get on the right path to continue in the direction I had been trying to reach my entire life. That path being one completely different from my parents. I needed to do better, to be better.

Midterm after midterm, I could feel myself passing with flying colors. Iwent into every test feeling on top of the world. No question stumping any partof my brain. I was back on track to start this new year with no bump in theroad.