Infinity||H.S.

She's Dancing With Another Man

"And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now
Let me go
And I just can't look, it's killing me"

Harry

Even when I'm at my mum's, I try to get up early, go for a run, and then meditate a bit.

The first week I was here I didn't follow my usual schedule due to my tiredness, but now that I'm well-rested and more relaxed, I feel the need to restart my routine.

This is why this morning I woke up early, worn my work out clothes, and went for a run.

The village is still sleeping as I cross the streets, there's only me, the music playing from earphones and my thoughts.

Today is Friday, which means that tomorrow is Noelle's birthday, and also the day I'm finally going to meet Thomas... Her Fiancée.

The word still stings on my tongue.

When that night, at my house, Gemma pointed out the big rock hanging on Noelle's neck and she told us she's getting married I nearly choked on my wine.

I knew she had moved on, Hannah always made an effort to talk about Noelle's boyfriend when I hanged out with John at their home, but never in a million years I thought it was that serious.

Bloody marriage.

I still don't know what came over me when I asked her if she loves him as much as she loved me.

It was like I went in total caveman mode.

A total prick move.

If before that night I thought I've touched the bottom with her, after Sunday night I discovered that you can always dig deeper.

And the hurt in her eyes. God, I promised myself that I'd never hurt her again, and yet I did it.

I must admit, that her words hurt me. I know she said I was only a stupid crush for her, in the hit of the moment - if there was one thing I was certain at the time, that was the sincerity of her feelings for me. Noelle always worn her heart on her sleeve.

Another prick move was telling her that the big rock her fiancée gave her as engagement ring, was too pretentious and tell her what kind of ring I would have chosen.

I just couldn't bite my fucking tongue.

If he really knew her, he should have known that a big blue diamond - which can be seen from the fucking space - is not Noelle's kind of thing.

In all this mess, the only good thing I did, was probably climbing that ladder while drunk.

That night changed everything.

The next morning she didn't look at me with hate or disgust, she was willing to talk with me, and we actually did.

I remember most of the things I said that night, even the part where I told her about the lyrics I wrote.

The day after she tried to make me tell her about them, but I know her: if she really was ready to talk about them, she would have asked me directly.