A Few Hundred Poppies

21. Going South

I turned the blue scissors in my grip from side to side, as if the logic of what I was about to do was etched on its surface. DON'T DO IT! - part of me screamed. YASS BITCH JUST DO IT - the other part yelled louder. Trembling, my hand guided the glinting metal all the way up until it was just above my neck.

Snap. A lengthy black lock of curly hair plummeted to the bathroom floor. "Holy shit," I muttered at my gawking reflection. "This is a really shitty coping mechanism. I love it."

Snap, snap, snap.

-

"How's it going with the dance? Isn't it tomorrow?" Bapi asked, plopping down on my bed and taking a bite of the samosa Khammi had brought yesterday. Reeking of Old Spice, he had evidently tried his best to clean up for his first day at work after 9 days.

"Don't worry, I haven't messed up any more," I muttered. As I cracked my knuckles, the crunches sounded thunderous in the autumn silence.

"No, I mean, who're you going with?" He finished off the samosa without a hint of gusto and discretely tried to wipe his hands on the hem of my bedsheet.

"Wait, you'll let me go?" I asked dubiously, slapping his hand away from the material. Bapi gave me a wry smile, clicking his Alpine Swiss briefcase open. "I didn't want to give you this at first because I thought you'd, you know, get emotional. But Saroor had these stowed away inside her cupboard for you. I think it's the birthday tradition thing you guys have."

Taking the two bottles of perfume from Bapi, I turned them around in my hand. Capri Lemon Leaves and Velvet Petals. A scrap of stenciled paper was tied to the Velvet Petals with a bright orange silk ribbon. I grabbed my glasses from the desk and perched them atop my nose, and the muddled scribbles became clearer.

Overly sentimental handwritten letters were always your Bapi's thing, never mine, but I'll attempt one anyway.

You must be wondering, why two perfumes? Think of the extra one as an apology. This year, I've been unnecessarily hard on you, simply because you're growing up. It's very typical of me, I know, but you didn't deserve this. I'm sorry, Adi.

You know, sometimes, I stare at you and wonder if I'm the wiser one or you. If I have to wonder so, there's no reason why I shouldn't trust your judgement. It's just the twisted world that I don't trust. Nevertheless, you have to test those waters on your own. (did I use that right?)

You're growing up, you're supposed to date guys. It's like chemistry experiments - nothing beats the trial and error method. How do you think I ended up with a sweetheart like your Bapi?

Don't let anybody tell you how to live if your heart wants otherwise. It's your life, live it. That being said, go buy yourself some pencil heels ;)

Bapi interrupted me while I was going through the note again, gaze becoming misty with tears. "You deserve to take a break, it's been hard enough as it is. And look - your mother, she's just scared because you're growing up so fast. I am, too, that you'll get married and stop being my princess," at this point, he nearly teared up, but carefully gained control of his trembling voice. "But I can't just stop you from living your life."

Hugging him around the torso, I smiled, finally allowing a tear to cascade down my cheek. "You know, you guys are pretty cool parents."

-

The art supplies in my teal Nike bag weighed down on my shoulders as I trudged through the deserted corridor, the silence on the brink of being creepy until Art's familiar laughter echoed into the hallway.