Dark Phoenix | ✓

chapter 37

Monday, May 25th, 2020

"So a lot has changed in the past week for you."

Mrs Thornbury's office smells of fresh gardenias, her favourite flowers. She's wearing her most flowy dress, the only one she was able to fit into now.

"Yeah," I mumble, numbly nodding my head. "Everything has changed."

Mrs Thornbury cocks her head, studying me. "You're not happy, London."

"It isn't about what makes me happy. It's about what keeps them from getting hurt."

"What about what keeps you from getting hurt?" she asks.

"Too late for that," I entwine my fingers, staring at the ground intensely. "I've been hurt for a long time now. It's second nature."

Mrs Thornbury clicks her pen absentmindedly. She twirls a strand of her hair around her finger, studying me.

"Sorry," I sigh. "I know I should stop feeling sorry for myself."

"Therapy is for talking about yourself and your issues. Don't apologise for what you are here for," she says sternly.

I nod, leaning back against the couch. I watch the ceiling, focusing on the chipped paint.

"Do you feel satisfied with the decision you've made?" she asks.

"I don't think I'll ever be satisfied. I might have been successful in pushing them away but it's not like I wanted to do it."

I fiddle with the bracelet around my wrist, turning the bangles over.

"You know, I haven't been able to speak to Aubrey all week. Somehow, she's been able to find a good excuse every time I've requested a meeting with her."

"Okay," I whisper. "Thanks for trying."

Mrs Thornbury furrows her eyes, concern evident in her expression. "Has she spoken to you since the first time?"

"No," I shake my head. "She hasn't said anything at all."

"Are you still worried about her?"

I shrug. There was a part of me that was worried, but I didn't want Mrs Thornbury to meddle too much. The last thing I needed was for her to tell the school about it.

"I think— I don't know. I'm not worried right now," I lie.

Mrs Thornbury doesn't seem convinced when she stares at me. "Well, if anything changes, I implore you to come to me, alright?"

"Of course." I bite into my tongue, hoping the lie sounds real.

I didn't usually keep anything from Mrs Thornbury, but this was different. There wasn't anything she'd be able to do without telling the school. The last thing I needed was to draw attention to myself and upset Aubrey even further.

What could the school do anyway? They didn't have any proof of what had happened at my locker.

A silence filters through the room. It startles me how final it seems, like the end of the road.

"For the first time, I feel like— like I have nothing left to say," I say, breathy.

Mrs Thornbury smiles at me. "Well, the day was always going to come."

"What day?"

"The day where you finally start to make peace with yourself. The day when you've spoken about all there is to say."

"I still feel like I'm not really...there."

Mrs Thornbury leans as forward as she can with her swollen belly, leaning against the coffee table dividing us.

"The only thing left to do is figure out a way to forgive yourself. I've done my job as much as I can but there is only so much I can do."

"So that's it?"

She smiles. "Well, I won't be making weekly session with you anymore, if that's what you mean. But, you know my door is open whenever you need me."

Mrs Thornbury stands, awkwardly waddling forward. Her arms are outstretched and she pulls me into a hug. Her floral scent makes me feel safe and warm.

"Thanks for everything, Mrs Thornbury."

"How many times have I told you, Lon? Call me Sal."

"Thanks for everything, Sal."

"That's better. Now I sound like someone who is actually in their thirties. Or maybe not. I've always thought of Sally as an older person's name."

I laugh lightly, pulling away from her embrace. She gives me a jubilant smile. She pushes me towards the door, opening it for me.

"Oh! Before I forget, obviously I'm pregnant, so—"

"No way, really?" I grin.

She laughs, rubbing her stomach. "Well, I only have three weeks left before I take my maternity leave. Which means I won't be here to see any of you guys graduate," she pouts.

"Oh," I frown. Mrs Thornbury was definitely my favourite adult at this school. I would almost consider her a friend if that was allowed.

"So, I'm giving all my kiddies my number," she passes me a piece of paper with a mobile number written across it. "If you ever need anything, London, know that I am here. That people are looking out for you."

"Thanks again, Mrs— Sal."

She opens the door for me, leaning her hip against the frame. "Take the world by storm, Lonnie Hall."

The door clicks shut behind me, leaving me with a strange feeling in my stomach. The weight that Mrs Thornbury always spoke about wasn't there anymore.

I felt like nearly everything was okay. Not perfect but getting better. For the first time in months, I felt like maybe I'd actually done something worthwhile.

I still felt like I had unfinished business, but this was a step in the right direction. A direction I'd been trying to get to for months.