Her // Joe Goldberg (COMPLETED)

21

You sat opposite me at dinner in the outfit you wore at your house-party. A huge pepperoni pizza filled the distance between us and you were visibly panicked. You nibbled on your fingernails more than the food, your leg was bouncing up and down and you constantly sipped from your glass of red wine.

Talking to you wasn't even on the cards, you were in a world of your own. I said your name which dragged you back to harsh reality and brought all of your attention back to me. "Kelsey. It's okay" I whispered as you shook your head. You were fighting tears, it was the first thing I noticed. "N-no it's not okay. He'll take Cody and he'll get Florence to New York and he'll be gone and then what can I do ?" you asked, you were begging me for an alternative or an answer. "Florence ?" I asked with my head titled. I've heard this woman's name countless times but knew nothing about her. "Flo, she doesn't mind either. She's Cody's mom. She left literally days after he was born because Max cheated on her. She moved to Vegas, she's a coked up prostitute and I don't even want to be mean but it's what she is. She sniffs coke like it's air. She's another Bianca, she can't come to New York. I won't let it happen" you explained, there were puddles of wine all over the white tablecloth because you couldn't keep still. "Let me sort this" I said as you shook your head through. "I can't let you do that" you began but after seconds of me begging, you let it go. You never said I could but you never said I couldn't either. This is my green light.

You became calmer as the night went on and we were able to actually enjoy our meal. "This may sound assholey but I haven't really given Max a second thought since he's been gone. Of course, I was hurt, betrayed but it was if you came into my life and healed me. I don't regret anything. I'm actually over the moon that he left because we got our chance. Time is on our side Joe" you said. You were over-talking and lying. Max took over your life for weeks, I saw it happen but I actually believed you once I stopped to look at you.  You were staring at me, giving me the stare that made me feel like the whole world has been put on standstill. Were you feeling it too ? What I felt on the couch, when I noticed the intensity of your hair color, your eyes, I felt stupid but I was speechless for a couple of seconds. You were feeling it, I could see it for a split second, it was like all of your worries were just gone.

You loosened up after that and we had a genuine conversation. You spoke about your fears your main being Cody ending up anywhere that wasn't with you, infertility and living an unhappy life. You spoke about your dreams and to my surprise becoming the best accountant in the world wasn't one of them. You had much bigger ones than that, you wanted to fall in love, a deep genuine eternal love, adopt Cody and settle down in Hawaii. You didn't have an occupation planned out but you knew what you were doing now wasn't the be all and end all. Again, you were bullshitting, I read all of this in texts with Max but I pushed it down into the pit of my stomach. I'd let it go because I knew you felt what I did.

You asked me about running a bookstore. I joked and said my dream was to open a bookstore in Hawaii after settling down and you laughed. I made you laugh, a loud laugh that had everyone in the pizzeria staring at us. We didn't care, we had just entered the beginning of a journey, the beginning of a relationship. People say the honeymoon period fades with time and while some issues were cropping up, I still could never see it happening. At that exact moment Kelsey-Jay, I felt like I was put on planet earth to be with you, to make you happy and to meet every single one of your needs. I didn't think this level of happiness existed nevermind be achieved until then. Everyday of being with you I was discovering a deeper depth of happiness. I knew what I had to do. Len Watts would not receive half a million dollars from you and he most certainly wouldn't get Cody.

4am, I was back in the basement of Mooney's. I should've been with you in reality or virtually whether that be texting, calling or watch you soundly sleep, but no, I was here. Len Watts had an exterior which would make you think he was tough and unbreakable but he was cracking quickly. "Joe" he shouted, he wanted to appear threatening but he wasn't fooling me, he sounded close to tears. He didn't know what to do, being backed into this corner and now he knew exactly how you felt when he told you, you had to give him half a million dollars to cover a debt Max didn't have or he'd take away Cody. This is how you felt and he was going to feel it, he was going to feel it, every second of it.