Avengers Imagines (Part One)

Bucky Barnes X Reader - You Should Be Sad: Requested

A/N - This chapter was requested by user: @the_budding_writer. It was inspired by the song 'You Should Be Sad' by Halsey. I hope you all enjoy it.

You had been hidden away in Nat's room for days now, hoping with all of your heart that you could avoid the embarrassment of seeing any of your friends ever again. You felt completely stupid and the worst part of it all was you weren't even angry at him, only at yourself for allowing him to lead you on so effortlessly. 

The door clicked open and you watched as Nat entered, offering you a small smile. "How you feeling?" she uttered, moving to perch at the foot of the bed you had been inhabiting since your break up.

You shrugged slightly, lifting your hand to your mouth as you began to chew on your thumb nail. "Why didn't any of you tell me what he was like?"

Nat's smile faded and she crawled up the bed to sit beside you, releasing a small sigh. "Honestly? I thought you might have been the thing to change him," she started as you leant your head on her shoulder. "I genuinely thought he wanted to be with you so bad that he would be better."

"I wanted to help him," you murmured, shaking your head. "I genuinely thought I could fix him, too."

Nat had her arm around you as soon as the words left your mouth, drawing you in to a tight but awkward side hug. "It was never your responsibility to fix him. It's nobodies responsibility but his." She paused for a moment, glancing down at you. "Besides, you guys were together for three years. If he didn't change in all that time, he was never going to."

*Time Skip*

You had finally ventured out of Nat's room about a week later, still a little groggy and heartbroken, but capable of going the day without breaking down. You had hoped you could go about your day without seeing Bucky and then scurry back off to your own room before anyone could get a chance to mention him. Those hopes had been dashed the moment you had entered the kitchen in search of your breakfast.

You should have known better. Bucky got his morning coffee at the exact same time every day. You'd been together for so long and you had known his routine inside out. You should have known that he would be there, leaning against the counter with his cup.

Bucky and Steve both fell silent as you entered the room, moving past them quickly to pull the fridge open. You weren't quite sure what you were looking for, but the longer you could stay there staring at the food, the less time you would spend looking at him.

"You're going to let the cold out." God you wanted to hit him. He sounded so perfectly normal, like nothing had changed and he could go about his day without the fear of seeing you. 

You grabbed a yogurt, the first breakfast-esque item you could get your hand on and slammed the fridge door shut, glancing at him for only a moment before pulling the cutlery draw open. You noticed almost immediately that there were no teaspoons left. The one thing you needed was completely missing and God, it was almost enough to bring tears to your eyes. 

"All the spoons are in the dishwasher," he started again, and you could feel the way his eyes lingered on you. Your grip on the draw tightened, your knuckles turning white as you attempted to calm yourself. "Had to use a fork to stir my coffee," he added.

"Please shut up," you uttered, just loud enough that you knew he would be able to hear you. "I can't deal with you right now," you added, hearing a small scoff escape him.

"I'm just being nice-"

"No, you aren't. You're acting like nothing happened, but it did," you told him, your voice raising slightly as you turned your gaze on him. "You should be sad that I left you. Fuck, I know I am."

"Y/N-" A warning from Steve; something you would have loved to have received from him before you got into a relationship with his best friend. "I don't think this is the place for this conversation."

The pained look in your expression was enough to make him fall silent, turning his eyes back to the tabletop. 

"If you've got something to tell me, you should get it off of your chest," Bucky started, raising an eyebrow at you as you frowned at him.

Perhaps, when you had been together that would have been enough to silence you. You would have tucked your tail between your legs and whimpered out an apology about how you were sorry and that you weren't thinking. But now, it was different. You no longer had to worry about hurting his feelings. You didn't have to coddle him like he was a child you were responsible for.

"You aren't half the man you think you are, did you know that?" You paused for a moment, running your tongue over your teeth as you took a deep breath. "And you are never going to fill that hole inside of yourself because you can't care about anyone but yourself."

"That isn't fair-"

"And God, I am so glad I let you tell me that I wasn't ready to have a kid. If you hadn't persuaded me to get rid of it, that poor baby would have lived an entire life knowing that their father was incapable of loving them. Nothing I could have done would have changed that." 

Bucky looked a little lost as you stared him down. He had never known you to speak so bluntly, but the filter was gone now and you had no issue airing your dirty laundry so openly. 

"I'm sorry if this is a little shocking to you," you murmured, clearing your throat slightly. "But, for once, someone's telling you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear."

"I never asked people to treat me with kid-gloves."

You snorted slightly. "Because you made it so easy to be honest with you? Any time I tried to be candid you got angry. Any time I wanted to talk you brushed me off. And I am so done with living like that." You pushed the draw shut, leaving the yogurt on the work surface as you made to leave the room.

You were stopped just before you reached the door, with Bucky's hand on your arm. "Don't just walk away."

"I spent three years not paying attention to the warning signs; I've had enough." You pulled your arm from his grip as gently as you could manage, watching as his frown deepened. "If you could refrain from touching me from now on, I'd really appreciate it."

And then you were walking from the room, feeling a calm that you hadn't known in years wash over you.

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