Grow with the Flow (Published under Bliss Books)

Kabanata 21

Toxic

I was regretting it.

That was what I felt on my way out of the hotel. I regret leaving him as I remember his begging state.

In my mind, I was running back to his room, hugging him as soon as I saw him, while saying that I didn't really want to be away from him.

But I didn't do it. I felt weak. I didn't have the energy and the strength to do so. I was afraid that he wouldn't accept me anymore. My feet decided to continue walking away.

"Rafa..." I weakly said as soon as I saw her on her pajamas.

I ran to her and hugged her. I badly needed one right now. I couldn't stop the tears from falling.

"N-Nari? Bakit... ano'ng nangyari?" she asked, full of concern, while patting my back.

"Rafa... it's over... wala na..." I couldn't even talk properly because of the sobbing.

"Ha? Wala na ang alin?" I saw how her eyes glimmer with concern too.

"Si Colton... Iniwan... I... I lost him..."

She eyed me for a minute and sadly hugged me tight without saying anything.

That same night, I unleashed my story to the next person I trust the most. I told her about my past, the job offer in Manila, and my break up with Colton.

"Nari... bakit mo sinisisi ang sarili mo?" I stopped when she suddenly asked with her eyes full of sorrow.

"I think you just did what you think is right, not just for yourself but for the both of you..." she said with sincerity. "Based from everything you said, it seems like the love he has for you is slowly getting... toxic."

Then she added, "Stand by your choice, Nari. I know you got this."

I was quite taken aback by her sentiments. Hindi lang dahil English iyon, kundi dahil ngayon ko lang siya nakausap nang ganito kaseryoso.

"Rafa...you sound like a different person right now..." I couldn't help but comment amidst the gloomy state.

Her lips parted and jokingly rolled her eyes.

"Hindi lang halata pero nakapag-kolehiyo ako,'no! 'Di nga lang nakapagtapos..." sabi niya at ngumiti.

I forced a smile too. Somehow, this talk helped me. Letting everything out from my chest kind of eased the pain. The thought that I still have someone beside me comforted me.

Sa sumunod na araw ay napagdesisyonan kong tawagan si Kuya Zeno. I've been calling him once every two weeks but this was already the second time for this week. I felt like talking to him right now too.

"Kuya..."

"Nari?" he asked quite shock, "Hey, what's up? I didn't expect you to call right now."

"Busy ka ba, Kuya?"

"No, hindi. Go on. Kumusta ka?"

"Kuya... you'd be proud if I go for my dreams, right?" I asked hopefully.

"Of course, Nari. That's what I've always wished for you." I could almost hear him smile.

I sighed in relief.

"Ang totoo niyan...pakiramdam ko'y nakasakit ako ng isang tao para sa pansarili kong ambisyon. Natatakot ako... natatakot ako na pagsisihan ko 'to sa huli. Kahit pa...hindi ko lang naman 'to ginawa para sa 'kin. I did it because I know this would lead us to what's best for the both of us."