Vikk's P.O.V.
I yawned, stretching my arms above my head as I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes for just a moment. It had been a long, long day and if I was completely honest I was completely ready to shut everything down, crawl into my bed and sleep for at least 8 hours before finally opening my eyes again. I was about to do that when my boyfriend waltzed through my office door and pressed a kiss to my cheek.
"Hey babe." He said, pulling my hair up off my forehead to plant another kiss there. "You wrapping up now?" I nodded.
"Yeah, I am. I'm going to bed in a few minutes." I said quietly, beginning the process of shutting down all the programs I was running.
"I'll be waiting." He kissed me again. "Want a hot chocolate?"
"Mm, not tonight. I'm just going to go straight to bed."
"Alright." JJ said, still leaning on my shoulders and now entertaining himself by playing with my hair, clearly waiting for me. He wasn't going to go until he was sure that I was coming with him, computer shut down and no more editing until tomorrow. "Come on Vikky."
He took my hand and I let him drag me from my office down the hall to our shared bedroom, collapsing onto the bed before I could even pull my hoodie off. JJ laughed and made me sit up, pulling my hoodie, socks and sweatpants off before tucking me under the covers. He crawled in beside me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I sighed happily.
"Happy there Vikk?" JJ laughed.
"Yup." I whispered, grinning. "You're warm and comfy."
"Good. Night Vikky. Love you."
"Love you too."
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"Come on Vikky, wake up." JJ whispered, gently shaking me. I blinked slowly, turning my head and looking up to see JJ sitting beside me with a gentle smile on his face. "It's mornin' babe, I'm gonna make some coffee. Want some?"
"Please." I muttered, yawning and rolling over. "I'll be down in a minute."
"Good. We've got a Sidemen recording today, remember?"
"I remember." I squinted. "What's the time?"
"Just past ten. We've gotta get going in less than an hour." He pressed a kiss to my forehead.
"Sounds good."
I was dressed, thermos of coffee in hand and bundled up in a thick winter coat, hat and scarf about 45 minutes later, standing just inside the front door while I waited for my boyfriend. He had just run to his office to grab a camera that we needed to film as Josh had told him bring one, but he had very nearly forgotten it. He rushed down the stairs, almost tripping. He laughed.
"Okay, let's go before I do something else stupid." He rolled his eyes, nudging me out the door and towards the car.
"Leaving isn't going to stop you doing something stupid." I quipped, dodging his playful hit. "It's just in your nature."
He only rolled his eyes at me.
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"Hey." He whispered, gently, pressing a kiss to my horsehead. "I know it was a bad day. How 'bout we have a hot chocolate, some pasta or something and then tuck into bed and watch a movie."
I only nodded, sniffling and wiping my eyes. The recording session had been trying and I had ended it by running off set and hiding in the car because of something one of the other boys said, and I had just sobbed. They did the intro without me before JJ abandoned everything and came to find me. I'm pretty sure he had yelled at them for being so insensitive because they knew I got triggered easily when it came to certain topics and that it was better to just not talk about some things.
"Is that okay?" Again, I nodded.
He moved and scooped me up into his arms, carrying me bridal style upstairs into our bedroom. I didn't even move after he placed me down, just closing my eyes.
"Do you want anything to eat?"
"No."
"Do you want a drink?" His voice was high.
"No." I mumbled. There were tears forming in the corners of my eyes.
"Do you want a cuddle?"
"Please."
JJ crawled onto the bed beside me, immediately securing his arms around me as I started to cry again. He held me tight. My body shook with sobs as I stared down at my arms in the dim light- the scars were still there, years after I had made them as a depressed, suicidal teenager, thin, white and raised against my cinnamon skin. JJ gently traced them.
"Show me your scars." He said, quietly.
"Why?" I whispered back.
"To see how many times you needed me and I wasn't there for you." He whispered, a tear rolling down his cheek. Oh God, he was crying now and then I was crying more, his hands holding mine, head buried deep his chest. It was ugly sobbing too, heaving cries, hiccups, snot. JJ held me tighter.
Once I was mostly calm again, which admittedly took a while because I was hiccupping and a new wave of tears overwhelmed me every time I thought of what they had said to me, JJ gently began to trace the scars on my wrist. He had seen those one many times before and I had told him the stories behind them, but because of my self-consciousness he had never seen me shirtless, and he had never seen the other scars. The other dozens of scars. The ones that lined my hips and stomach and thighs from the times I had been desperate for any feeling.
His hand snuck under my shirt, eyes closed as he traced my scars. I shuddered. I had never let anyone touch them before and it was a strange feeling- it didn't bring up the memories like I feared it would, instead it was just... uncomfortable. JJ seemed to know that because he pulled his hand away, planting a kiss on my lips.
"Are you okay with this?" He said, gently tugging up the base of my shirt. I froze, thought, and then nodded.
"Yes."
I moved and pulled my shirt over my head myself, looking down to the bed as I squeezed my eyes shut. JJ didn't touch this time, he only watched. And then he kissed me.
"You're still beautiful Vikk." He whispered. "You're still my whole world, no matter the scars. It's the past and although the past shaped who you are, it's okay. It doesn't matter to me. I love you."
"I love you too." I laughed between tears, throwing my arms around him. His fingers traced some of the scars.
"Love you Vikk." He breathed. "So much. So, so much."
