Baby Maker

Chapter 13

Asher left the office and Jax closed the doors behind him as I sat on one of the couches. Jax released a breath as he sat across from me. I didn't know where to start, or even what to say. Asher just dropped the bomb without an explanation. I kind of wished he were still here to say everything I couldn't.

"I want to start by asking when you left the house, but that isn't important right now," Jax started. "What in the world is going on? What is it that you can tell my employee, but you can't tell me?" He finally asked. I sighed as my eyes started to water again. I wanted to say that nothing was wrong and go back home, but I knew Jax wouldn't buy that at this point.

"My hormones are just acting up and I needed someone to vent to. Don't blame Asher too much. He's always been overprotective of me," I tried to excuse it.

"I just got yelled at by one of my own employees. You're going to have to think of something better than that," Jax said.

"I just... Siobhan rubs me the wrong way, and with my hormones all over the place, I'm not taking it very well," I lied again. Jax was about to say something when his secretary came in.

"Oh, sorry, Mr. Signa. I didn't realize you had company," she apologized. I stood quickly, seeing my chance.

"It's okay. I was just leaving," I said quickly.

"Amina!" Jax called after me, but I was already out the door. I took the elevator down to the lobby before calling Asher.

"What did he want?" Asher asked as soon as he picked up.

"I shouldn't have vented to you like that. Asher, you can't get involved. Jax is your boss, and I don't want you to lose a job you love because of me. Just pretend I never said anything," I said quickly. I hung up before he had a chance to respond before taking the car back to the house. Esther was waiting for me in the living room.

"Amina, are you okay? Why are you crying sweetheart?" Esther asked as she wiped my tears away and pulled me into a hug.

"Don't tell me it's because you have feelings for my fiancé," Siobhan said sarcastically as she joined us. Her arms were crossed and she was openly glaring at me. Siobhan made it her mission to be at the house as much as possible to torture me. It was hard to even step foot out of my room without seeing her face.

"Don't make baseless assumptions. She's pregnant. She could be crying about anything right now," Esther defended me. Siobhan, oddly, had a point though. Were my feelings for Jax making this harder than it had to be. Why didn't I tell him what was going on? The old me would have said everything outright. The old me wouldn't have even put up with the torment. The old me would have fought back. Why didn't I take that opportunity to tell Jax everything Siobhan had been up to? It wasn't to protect Siobhan. I think I didn't tell him because I didn't want him worrying about it. I didn't want to fill his plate with more problems. I sighed and closed my eyes as I hugged Esther. She rubbed my back gently as she tried to comfort me.

"Oh, by the way, all of your clothes somehow made it into the pool," Siobhan said nonchalantly as she left.

"Don't worry, I'll get them all washed and hung back up," Esther assured me before leaving me by myself. I felt my heart rate pick up as it became harder to breath. It was the beginnings of a panic attack. I'd been getting those often lately. I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to tell Jax, and I couldn't do anything about Siobhan. I felt completely helpless. If I tried to run away, Jax would bring me back. If I tried to vent to Asher, he would try to get involved. No where to run, no where to hide. I was backed on to the edge of a cliff and it felt like my only option was to jump. My tears poured down my face as my breathing became erratic. I didn't know what was happening, but I somehow ended up in my bathroom with a knife in my hand. I caught a glimpse at myself in the mirror and didn't even recognize my reflection anymore. Wasn't pregnancy supposed to be this beautiful, magical journey? Why didn't it feel more like a path in hell? As I pressed the knife against the skin on my wrist, my bathroom door was kicked in. My vision was blurry from the lack of oxygen due to my erratic breathing and the tears blurring my eyes. The knife was taken from my hand. I heard it clatter on the ground as my wrists and back were pressed against the wall.

"Get ahold of yourself, Amina!" Jax yelled. Somehow, him finding me only made me feel worse. I snapped back to reality as his worried face finally became clear. My lip quivered as the first sob broke through. He let out a breath before pulling me into his chest. My hands gripped his shirt as I cried into his chest. He held my head gently as his other arm wrapped around me. Somehow we ended up sitting on the floor. He didn't say a word as he just let me cry. What was I doing? What was I about to do? It all felt like a distant dream; like I wasn't even in control of my own body anymore. What was I about to do to the baby? I felt horrible and guilty. Was I really that bad of a person? I cried until I passed out on the bathroom floor in Jax's arms.