Review by Sunshine: The Elvin Enigma

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Title: The Elvin Enigma

Author: SilasNevrin

Reviewer: ray_of_sunshine9


Summary: 4/5

You've got a pretty great summary! Your first sentence is snappy and captivating, and you seamlessly tie in the characters, the direction of the plot, as well as the stakes. Alongside that, you also give the reader a clear idea of what the setting is, which is fantastic.

I would suggest revising a few things, however. If you're going to mention 'Phoenix's complicated nature' as a means that led him to Tyrian, you may want to be more specific with what exactly brought him there (chance of fate is fine – no need to explain that). Additionally:

...and a chance of fate that lead him into the path of...

The present tense verb of 'lead' is 'leads. It should be:

...and a chance of fate that leads him into the path of...

With the war, I kind of wish you described to the reader who the war is against exactly. Otherwise, great job!


Grammar: 3/5

Your grammar is pretty polished, but there were a few things here and there that could use some tweaking. Don't worry – I'll break it down for you.

First of all, the most common one I saw had to do with apostrophes. Throughout your story, there was a lack of apostrophes when they were needed. Whenever you have a contraction (that is, two words that have been shoved together into one), you need the apostrophe to indicate this. For example:

Phoenix didnt want to live forever.

Didn't is a contraction of did and not. It should be:

Phoenix didn't want to live forever.

Another example:

"Somethings going to happen tonight," Phoenix said.

When you write "somethings" in that example, you are trying to write, "something is going to happen" – which means that you need an apostrophe. It should be:

"Something's going to happen tonight," Phoenix said.

The other time you use apostrophes is to indicate a possessive noun. That sounds very strange, so I'll break it down for you:

He could feel Tyrians strong arms around him.

Because the strong arms belong to Tyrian, it should be:

He could feel Tyrian's strong arms around him.

Another example:

Sariels eyes flickered to Denali.

The eyes belong to Sariel. It should be:

Sariel's eyes flickered to Denali.

Next, let's talk about dialogue and punctuation. You seem to have a very good grasp of using commas when there's a verbal tag, but it looks like you're making recurring errors when there's an action beat.

Basically, when dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'they exclaimed – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question, and an exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

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