twenty-seventh: dark

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I was cold.

Shivering. The cold so potent that I could feel my blood turning into icy streams.

It was dark.

Suffocatingly dark. The dark so invincible that it strangled the flickering light inside.

I walked through an orb of inky blackness. Or did I float? I couldn't tell.

Anguish tore at my insides. My brain devoid of any thoughts. Any memories. Except one.


I flailed my limbs as they seemed to move drunkenly through the darkness. I couldn't see. The pain was ripping me apart. I wanted to scream but my lungs wouldn't obey. The chasmic void was closing in on me. Indomitable. Determined to annihilate me.


Where was he?

Why wasn't he here?

Grayson. Grayson. Grayson.

I chanted his name like a prayer. My voice inaudible in the infinite vacuum. My lips unmoving. Why couldn't I feel anything except excruciating anguish?

I couldn't breathe. My lungs remained constricted. Determined to murder me. Panic rose in my throat. A fear so tangible that I felt shards of glass pierce every inch of my body.

Like my heart was entrapped in a steel claw which was determined to choke it to death. If I were to die, I couldn't make myself leave. Not yet. I couldn't leave Grayson.


I was frustrated, why wasn't he answering? Was he mad at me? Did he leave me? What was happening? I was in a state of delirium.

I had to tell him I loved him. I hadn't told him enough. I had to tell him I loved him with every inch of my tainted, damaged body. I had to tell him I loved him with the visage of purity that was my soul. I had to tell him. See him. Touch him. Hold him.

I tried to scream but the deafening silence weighed heavily on me. The shroud of the impenetrable raven unrelenting. I felt shackles binding my astral limbs. Holding me in place. Burying me in the darkness.

I kicked and flailed. It couldn't end. Not now. Not now when I could finally dream. Not now when I could finally be something. Not now when I could finally have a life. Not now when Grayson had finally returned my maddening love with equal insanity.

Where was I? Was I suspended in the infinity between the two worlds? Had I already transcended into one? Was this to be my absolute truth?

A never-ending, expansive darkness penetrated my very soul until I felt the black ink drip into my veins, replacing the burning scarlet.

I was hollow. Unfeeling. There was no end.

The pain receded. Reducing slowly till I was left with merely a dull ache. A pounding pain in my body.


A vivid image flashed across my mind. Startling green eyes. An angelic smile. Dark hair. His deep voice that made my stomach clench with catastrophic desire. I remembered his touch. His warmth. His blazing love. The man I had loved ever since I could love, with an intensity that wrecked my insides. Ruined me.

Grayson. Grayson. Grayson.

Why wasn't he listening to me? Had he not told me that he loved me? Or was I easily forgotten? Was the darkness surrounding me stronger than our feelings?

If I was dying then I needed one last chance to see him. I couldn't go without telling him how much I loved him. That I would love him till my damnation. Till the world burst into flames and imploded within itself. Till the ground itself tore apart and spewed out her womb in fury. Till the sky trembled and collapsed onto the earth. Till the silver zenith disappeared and the sky and the azure ocean finally engaged as one.


He couldn't hear me. He didn't know how much I loved him. Images flashed across my mind. Him. I. A home. A family.

He was my home. My home that had now been cruelly snatched away from me by the clawed hands of fate. And as the monster of fate had ripped my home away from me, she had left me bleeding blood as dark as the void I was suspended in. She had ripped my skin. My heart. My soul. My entire being.

I let myself be engulfed by the darkness, floating on the edge of infinity. A single thought in my mind. A single visage of my life.


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