tenth: jealous

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I couldn't sleep.

I waited impatiently for Rosalie's annoying numerology alarm. I stared at the window, watching the sun rays slowly cascade into the room. I stretched an arm out, feeling the gentle, caressing warmth of the naked, dawn sun rays. I stretched out my fingers as if trying to hold the golden streaks of light.

Last night's incidence weighed heavily on my heart. I hated how powerless Grayson made me. Like I wasn't the Xavier I had created so painstakingly. He made me feel naked in a way that was more than just physical. Exposed me. Made me defenceless.

And the part of me I fought so hard against, yearned for that nakedness.

I sighed in relief when the annoying beeping sounded, pulling me out of my morbid reverie. I washed my face and ran out as quickly as I could. It had rained the previous night and the gardens outside were even more beautiful than usual. The green leaves were darkened by the shimmering drops of water on them. I had loved rain for as long as I could remember. I loved the scent of the wet earth. The gentle breeze. The way the sky seemed to nurture the earth. Loving her, caressing her with her tender touch.

I got into the car and pulled out of the driveway. I rolled down the windows, playing gentle music. Perhaps rain was associated with grief for many people. I, however, found it hopeful. Both the emotions were equally destructive.

As I reached the street where my home was located, I groaned. Grayson's car was parked in front of my house. I sighed, parking my car behind his and took a deep breath before stepping out. The car was empty and I wondered if he had already entered my apartment. I unlocked the door, stopping momentarily as I heard familiar voices from inside.

I opened the door and saw Annalise standing with a brown package in her arms, laughing at something Grayson had said. I felt a pang of jealousy.

He turned to look at me, his eyes widening slightly. Of course, all he was interested in knowing about me was the fucking project.

"Hey, Harber," Annalise said, smiling. "How come you've never told me you have such hot friends?"

I felt another poisonous twinge of envy as he blushed.

"He's not a friend," I said, putting the keys back in my pocket and making my way towards them, trying to act nonchalant as I shrugged. "Just a colleague."

"You work with the police?" Annalise asked, her eyes widening.

Fuck.

"Not really." Technically I wasn't lying. Not that I would ever hesitate to lie. "It's confidential anyway so, sorry."

She didn't say anything, her brown eyes widening as she turned to face Grayson. She twirled a lock of her long, red hair in her fingers, looking at him through her thick lashes. "So, what do you do when you finally ditch the uniform at the end of the day?"

I grit my teeth as he responded. "Usually just relax. Make some extravagant dinner for no reason."

"You cook?"

"Occasionally."

"You guys should cut to the chase and just fuck each other." I snapped, anger flaring inside me. They gazed at me, their eyes wide with horror.

"Not everyone is like you, Harber," Annalise said and rolled her eyes. 

I didn't reply, turning around and stomping up the staircase. My heart spiralled in my chest. Envy gnawing my insides. It took me three tries for my trembling fingers to finally unlock the door. I entered and slammed it shut violently.

I leaned against the door, trying to get a grip. I couldn't let my emotions influence my actions so much. I needed to get over whatever the fuck it was that Grayson was doing to me. I took deep breaths, trying to calm my thundering heart. Rage. Envy. Resentment. The catatonic emotions exploded in my chest, making me want to break something. Preferably Annalise's face.

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